So I have already shared my theory on spiders and what happens if I see them in my house. I think I did neglect to say that if they are somewhere that NO bug should be, the deal is off and they die.
Saturday when I woke up I decided to make bacon and eggs for me and the boy. Got everything ready and decided to use the back burner for the bacon while I worked on the eggs. Well, apparently I don't use my tea kettle nearly enough because when I moved it a spider was there. And yes, it was a Brown Recluse. An honest to God Brown Recluse. Anyway, so I yell to my son to grab me something to kill it (because I don't want to let it out of my sight). He brings me something, but it wasn't the right size because when I went in for the kill it got a way...multiple times. I saw it scurry behind my microwave.
"Shit!!" I moved the microwave around a bit, but didn't want to actually be holding the microwave when the spider charged me, so I went back to cooking, believing the spider had learned a VERY valuable lesson and would thus leave the kitchen.
I went about my business, cut up some onion, green peppers and red peppers. Put them in the skillet to saute them before I mixed them with the egg. All is well, the smell of the peppers cooking starts to waft up, and then I look over at the bacon. The flipping spider was staring back!!
Maybe the spider liked bacon, I don't know, but there it was. Just at the edge of the stove, watching all that was going on! Totally freaked me out. I moved back and forth, and there it sat. I finally just grabbed something small and went in for the kill. I guess it was too mesmerized by the bacon smell, because it didn't move at all. It didn't try to get away when I moved the large skillet out of my way. It just let me kill it.
So weird all the way around. Damn things.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Full Canvas
So many ideas fill all that is there
So many images flood the area
All the fringes of the mind
All scrambling for center stage
So much to be done
So much to be said
That before it is even begun
That before there is a chance to see
The canvas is already full
But the canvas can never be started
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
Death trumps all
Originally I was going to start this month off by talking about the great Halloween I had down with my sister in Joplin, MO. Now, however, I am going to leave that for another night because I want to get this out first. Writing has always helped me to sort through things (not that everyone appreciated me doing so...) and I really need to do that now. This is a little about letting go, a little about regret, a little about urban families, and a little about friends.
My parents are from Jersey City, NJ. My siblings were all born in Jersey City, NJ. All my aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents lived in the Jersey area. Then my dad started working for a restaurant and he got transferred. With every promotion another move. Generally they would be someplace for maybe 6 months. After I was born we moved another 4 or 5 times. Then we moved to Joplin. My dad was going to be the one who opened the store that was being built, and he told them he wanted to stay in one place for a while. I was three.
Needless to say, we were a world apart now from the relatives on the East coast. Work schedule and 4 kids didn't allow many trips back. So holidays were our own, by ourselves or church people. Enter my kindergarten year and its like the planets aligned for things to work out. My mom was taking an exercise class with mom who's boy happened to be in my class in the morning who I was friends with. Her eldest son was my oldest sister's age, her daughter was my brothers. There was a younger son for her and my middle sister, but that doesn't quite fit as nicely in the story. The woman's name was Mary, and her family was up in Montana, so she was 'alone' in Mo too. This is where it starts folks.
From that year on, my family and her family were close. Every weekend we would get together on Sunday and play games, watch movies, and share a meal. EVERY SUNDAY. They were our extended family on holidays. She was the one who would take me in when my parents would leave town. We stood there with her when her oldest son was killed and if felt like part of my family was missing. They were a second family and I didn't know it. She was a second mom. Up until we moved from Joplin 'for good' in '92, we all knew everything about each other. When we would go back to visit my sisters or brother who still lived in town, we would go visit her.
Time changes everything. We get wrapped up in who is around us, and at times forget who was there before. I know I did. I would visit every once in a while when I would go down, but I think I tried to leave her as she was when I was still in school. When I heard how ill she had become, I was annoyed that I hadn't known sooner. I was torn between seeing her and not seeing her. I already have such a problem with mortality and saying goodbye in any capacity. So each weekend I would put it off or I was busy and then I worked every Saturday and couldn't possibly then right? (Lest you all forget I deal with things by avoidance if I can.)
Saturday, I had considered dropping by and seeing her and then going on to my sister's, but just figured it would be a hassle, I was in a hurry, and I could visit her some other time. Yet, as I was outside having fun and hanging out with friends and family, she breathed her last. She was with one of her sons and her daughter at the time (which I am glad for).
Mary was a great woman. A strong woman who lost her first husband and divorced her second and raised 4 kids on her own. She was a smart woman who worked at the university. She was a woman who gave a damn about other people. She volunteered with the Search and Rescue with her dog. She didn't like flowers (and as such has requested any money that might have been spent on flowers be donated the the Search & Rescue organization.) She liked ducks. lol She was an intricate part of my childhood and growing up, and so another part of my childhood has died with her.
I'm not good at goodbyes. I never have been. I have too strong of memories of people that enter my life to welcome them. My hope is that after the funeral I will be able to pretend that she is still there, on her new house on Kentucky with her dog. Right now though, its various waves of pain and regret. I say I welcome distractions from friends, and at times its true, but I think I just want someone to sit with me or go for a walk, because I can't really handle anymore.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ducks in a row
The end can be seen
Its not so far away
The truth no longer hidden
All know what to say
Its all undeniable
Like the shining sun
The chance to end it
Like you want to though
Is there for you to take
You still get to make choices
Before the big one
Gets taken away
Plans for every detail
Are gathered and discussed
Like the ones forever
On your mantel
The ducks are in a row
Rest in peace Mary Davis, you will be missed and you were loved.
My parents are from Jersey City, NJ. My siblings were all born in Jersey City, NJ. All my aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents lived in the Jersey area. Then my dad started working for a restaurant and he got transferred. With every promotion another move. Generally they would be someplace for maybe 6 months. After I was born we moved another 4 or 5 times. Then we moved to Joplin. My dad was going to be the one who opened the store that was being built, and he told them he wanted to stay in one place for a while. I was three.
Needless to say, we were a world apart now from the relatives on the East coast. Work schedule and 4 kids didn't allow many trips back. So holidays were our own, by ourselves or church people. Enter my kindergarten year and its like the planets aligned for things to work out. My mom was taking an exercise class with mom who's boy happened to be in my class in the morning who I was friends with. Her eldest son was my oldest sister's age, her daughter was my brothers. There was a younger son for her and my middle sister, but that doesn't quite fit as nicely in the story. The woman's name was Mary, and her family was up in Montana, so she was 'alone' in Mo too. This is where it starts folks.
From that year on, my family and her family were close. Every weekend we would get together on Sunday and play games, watch movies, and share a meal. EVERY SUNDAY. They were our extended family on holidays. She was the one who would take me in when my parents would leave town. We stood there with her when her oldest son was killed and if felt like part of my family was missing. They were a second family and I didn't know it. She was a second mom. Up until we moved from Joplin 'for good' in '92, we all knew everything about each other. When we would go back to visit my sisters or brother who still lived in town, we would go visit her.
Time changes everything. We get wrapped up in who is around us, and at times forget who was there before. I know I did. I would visit every once in a while when I would go down, but I think I tried to leave her as she was when I was still in school. When I heard how ill she had become, I was annoyed that I hadn't known sooner. I was torn between seeing her and not seeing her. I already have such a problem with mortality and saying goodbye in any capacity. So each weekend I would put it off or I was busy and then I worked every Saturday and couldn't possibly then right? (Lest you all forget I deal with things by avoidance if I can.)
Saturday, I had considered dropping by and seeing her and then going on to my sister's, but just figured it would be a hassle, I was in a hurry, and I could visit her some other time. Yet, as I was outside having fun and hanging out with friends and family, she breathed her last. She was with one of her sons and her daughter at the time (which I am glad for).
Mary was a great woman. A strong woman who lost her first husband and divorced her second and raised 4 kids on her own. She was a smart woman who worked at the university. She was a woman who gave a damn about other people. She volunteered with the Search and Rescue with her dog. She didn't like flowers (and as such has requested any money that might have been spent on flowers be donated the the Search & Rescue organization.) She liked ducks. lol She was an intricate part of my childhood and growing up, and so another part of my childhood has died with her.
I'm not good at goodbyes. I never have been. I have too strong of memories of people that enter my life to welcome them. My hope is that after the funeral I will be able to pretend that she is still there, on her new house on Kentucky with her dog. Right now though, its various waves of pain and regret. I say I welcome distractions from friends, and at times its true, but I think I just want someone to sit with me or go for a walk, because I can't really handle anymore.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ducks in a row
The end can be seen
Its not so far away
The truth no longer hidden
All know what to say
Its all undeniable
Like the shining sun
The chance to end it
Like you want to though
Is there for you to take
You still get to make choices
Before the big one
Gets taken away
Plans for every detail
Are gathered and discussed
Like the ones forever
On your mantel
The ducks are in a row
Rest in peace Mary Davis, you will be missed and you were loved.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Don't want to fail before I begin
So, I have some blogs saved up because I was going to write a blog a day for the month of November. Although this weekend was overall pretty good, I had to deal with the death of someone I cared very much about. My plan was to get home and crawl into bed, but then I remembered this. And that it is November 1st. I want to write a poem as well, but honestly, my heart isn't in it. So we shall leave this as a short post and a post to say, here's to hoping I stay on track with everything this month. We'll see how that goes.
Friday, October 23, 2009
drama, oh drama
To say this week didn't have its share of drama would be a sad understatement. There, that is actknowledged.
Everyone has those things that bug them. Everyone has that moment where 'son of a bitch I have had enough'. Everyone has those things, that for reasons completely illogical to anyone else, either makes them mad, cry or crazy. Everyone. I would love to say that we should all just not have any drama in our lives but..really? Who would I be kidding? That would never happen.
Not just due to the simple real fact that we are all human. We all have things we mess up on. We all have different opinions. We all have things we wish others hadn't seen, read, heard, or believed. Believe me, these things are just as valid as then next thing I will mention, but I don't think its all of it. Because honestly, we could, in the right frame of mind, ignore most, if not all of this. Think of how much of that you do everyday. We learn to get along with others.
We all need some drama though. All of us.
Think of how boring and mundane your life would be if nothing ever happened to you or those you knew. Sure there are other things to talk about, but not talking about how you feel about things makes you no different then A, B, C, D, etc. We as people need some 'drama' in our lives.
Some more than others.
This does not make all drama right or wanted. Seriously, some people can't let go while others can't avoid. We will all fall to one side or another every once in a while, we are human! However, there are those that are always in the midst. There is always something going on. There is always some broken glass to walk on around them. I am sure, when you read that, you pictured someone in your mind. (I could hope its not me, but who knows, you may think I am a drama queen. Its your right to I suppose. ) These are the people I am working in my life to distance myself from. Its the crazy drama, the un-needed drama.
There is a girl I work with. She needs drama. She creates major drama when there is nothing else. Either makes it up or makes horrid choices to create it. I've know her for a few years now and I used to talk to her all the time. She would come to me with this outlandish 'made for TV' type of senirio and ask for advice. No matter what anyone said, she always took the opposite road of what was suggested. It made for more drama.
About 11 months ago, we had agreed for her to do me a favor and watch my son so I could meet someone. Around 6pm that night, she started texting me with craziness. Random thing she made up in her mind. After a bit I even started just letting her have her way, but she didn't stop. Over and over and over. Needless to say I never got to go out that night and well, I think some things in my life might be a bit different. Needless to say, I saw in that moment that she was a drama needer. Yeah, I made up that title. She needed it. She had to create some and then she had to keep it going. (I had stopped texting her by 8, she continued till round 1am...and then kept it going all weekend bringing other people into it.) I don't need drama needers in my life. I stopped talking to her that week, and haven't looked back. I will answer her queries and be poliet, but that is where it stops. I don't need someone's need for drama effecting my life.
I see her trials of drama every few weeks. Its always something more outlandish or stupid. Its attention and something to talk about...and its stupid. Yeah, I believe that we all need a wee bit of drama in our lives, but you should be able to talk about something else.
Small drama I can deal with. Big, effect my life 'for real' basis though, no. I have no need for it. I have no need for someone dragging me into drama every other day or even saying I am bringing drama. (There are some things that will always stay with you, that no matter what you want, that issue will be on your mind...I don't consider that drama.) Everyone has their bad days, everyone needs to be able to express how they feel, I understand and allow it, I need to be allowed mine too.
On that note, I am done with big drama. It was a weird week. Unhappiness at the beginning that by Tuesday, I had internalized and moved on from. From there others rumors spread and more things were said at work and with friends. Its like a big ball of unhappiness in my stomache. I don't like anyone being unhappy. (Well, currently there are two people in the world I wish any unhappiness towards and 99% chance they are not reading this blog.) I want to forget a lot of what I heard this week, I probably can't, but I am going to try, because being angry and hurt about it doesn't help me...and that is just more drama for me to deal with. (I don't deny some people the right to be hurt. Omg no, you do.) Really though, I am seeing all the adults around me acting like JrH people. Stop. Please. Grow up and lets all move on ok? ...and yes, I fully acknowledge that at times I like to water the drama tree, but I try to keep it short and 'sweet'.
On to an awesome weekend! I know we can do it!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Heart Can Do It Better
The camera doesn't remember
The picture perfectly
The eye can do it better
The mind doesn't remember
The casual conversation
The heart can do it better
Everyone has those things that bug them. Everyone has that moment where 'son of a bitch I have had enough'. Everyone has those things, that for reasons completely illogical to anyone else, either makes them mad, cry or crazy. Everyone. I would love to say that we should all just not have any drama in our lives but..really? Who would I be kidding? That would never happen.
Not just due to the simple real fact that we are all human. We all have things we mess up on. We all have different opinions. We all have things we wish others hadn't seen, read, heard, or believed. Believe me, these things are just as valid as then next thing I will mention, but I don't think its all of it. Because honestly, we could, in the right frame of mind, ignore most, if not all of this. Think of how much of that you do everyday. We learn to get along with others.
We all need some drama though. All of us.
Think of how boring and mundane your life would be if nothing ever happened to you or those you knew. Sure there are other things to talk about, but not talking about how you feel about things makes you no different then A, B, C, D, etc. We as people need some 'drama' in our lives.
Some more than others.
This does not make all drama right or wanted. Seriously, some people can't let go while others can't avoid. We will all fall to one side or another every once in a while, we are human! However, there are those that are always in the midst. There is always something going on. There is always some broken glass to walk on around them. I am sure, when you read that, you pictured someone in your mind. (I could hope its not me, but who knows, you may think I am a drama queen. Its your right to I suppose. ) These are the people I am working in my life to distance myself from. Its the crazy drama, the un-needed drama.
There is a girl I work with. She needs drama. She creates major drama when there is nothing else. Either makes it up or makes horrid choices to create it. I've know her for a few years now and I used to talk to her all the time. She would come to me with this outlandish 'made for TV' type of senirio and ask for advice. No matter what anyone said, she always took the opposite road of what was suggested. It made for more drama.
About 11 months ago, we had agreed for her to do me a favor and watch my son so I could meet someone. Around 6pm that night, she started texting me with craziness. Random thing she made up in her mind. After a bit I even started just letting her have her way, but she didn't stop. Over and over and over. Needless to say I never got to go out that night and well, I think some things in my life might be a bit different. Needless to say, I saw in that moment that she was a drama needer. Yeah, I made up that title. She needed it. She had to create some and then she had to keep it going. (I had stopped texting her by 8, she continued till round 1am...and then kept it going all weekend bringing other people into it.) I don't need drama needers in my life. I stopped talking to her that week, and haven't looked back. I will answer her queries and be poliet, but that is where it stops. I don't need someone's need for drama effecting my life.
I see her trials of drama every few weeks. Its always something more outlandish or stupid. Its attention and something to talk about...and its stupid. Yeah, I believe that we all need a wee bit of drama in our lives, but you should be able to talk about something else.
Small drama I can deal with. Big, effect my life 'for real' basis though, no. I have no need for it. I have no need for someone dragging me into drama every other day or even saying I am bringing drama. (There are some things that will always stay with you, that no matter what you want, that issue will be on your mind...I don't consider that drama.) Everyone has their bad days, everyone needs to be able to express how they feel, I understand and allow it, I need to be allowed mine too.
On that note, I am done with big drama. It was a weird week. Unhappiness at the beginning that by Tuesday, I had internalized and moved on from. From there others rumors spread and more things were said at work and with friends. Its like a big ball of unhappiness in my stomache. I don't like anyone being unhappy. (Well, currently there are two people in the world I wish any unhappiness towards and 99% chance they are not reading this blog.) I want to forget a lot of what I heard this week, I probably can't, but I am going to try, because being angry and hurt about it doesn't help me...and that is just more drama for me to deal with. (I don't deny some people the right to be hurt. Omg no, you do.) Really though, I am seeing all the adults around me acting like JrH people. Stop. Please. Grow up and lets all move on ok? ...and yes, I fully acknowledge that at times I like to water the drama tree, but I try to keep it short and 'sweet'.
On to an awesome weekend! I know we can do it!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Heart Can Do It Better
The camera doesn't remember
The picture perfectly
The eye can do it better
The mind doesn't remember
The casual conversation
The heart can do it better
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
That one day I will finish it
So I have been trying something different. Instead of just trying to remember what I want to blog about and rush through it, I have a few blogs started with notes in them. I have been working on one for almost a month. Is it that good? NO. I just can't seem to finish it. lol Oddly enough its about schedules and how I function. Ok, well I find it funny.
Anyway, I worked on it for a while tonight, but I fizzled out on it again, so I am giving you all this one. This blog telling you that I have a few other blogs started. Woo hoo isn't that exciting?!
No? Yeah, I don't think so either, but I am trying to share once a day. lol Hope your Wednesdays work out great for you.
By the by, my plan (you know, the one I said I was working on to see if daily emotional pain can eventually be dulled?) is still in effect. I am not doing it every day, but just about. I think in some ways it does help....but some days it just isn't good at all. So, the jury is still out on it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quiet Signals
It doesn't need to be seen
It doesn't need to be heard
No need to see what it could mean
No cry out has to be given
The answer is in your heart
The answer is in your energy
When you need it we'll be around
When you need us you won't have to look
Anyway, I worked on it for a while tonight, but I fizzled out on it again, so I am giving you all this one. This blog telling you that I have a few other blogs started. Woo hoo isn't that exciting?!
No? Yeah, I don't think so either, but I am trying to share once a day. lol Hope your Wednesdays work out great for you.
By the by, my plan (you know, the one I said I was working on to see if daily emotional pain can eventually be dulled?) is still in effect. I am not doing it every day, but just about. I think in some ways it does help....but some days it just isn't good at all. So, the jury is still out on it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quiet Signals
It doesn't need to be seen
It doesn't need to be heard
No need to see what it could mean
No cry out has to be given
The answer is in your heart
The answer is in your energy
When you need it we'll be around
When you need us you won't have to look
Monday, October 19, 2009
That again, hindsight is 20/20
So, I am not sure where to go with this one. Honestly, it shouldn't matter at all, but it does. It always sucks finding out a 'different' side of a story about something down the road. You've had it in your mind to think of a situation in one light. You relate to it based on what someone told you. It doesn't necessarily have to be a big thing either, but its how you remember.
What really sucks is to find out that the truth wasn't really told you way back when. That some truths were left out. That what you thought was going on, really wasn't.
This happened to me last night. Its not a BIG thing. It doesn't effect anything now really, but...I don't know. Its like a retroactive slap to the face. It makes you question things, all things, when you find that something like that was misrepresented to you. You wonder what else, what else could have been 'left out' of a story or changed? I am trying not to let this drive me mad. I am trying to not let this get me mad. For the love of Pete this happened months ago.
But here I am and let me tell you, I don't want to be here. Because for the first time, I was actually pissed. Good ol' pissed. Still a bit pissed actually. I'd been 'lied' to. Believe me, I have been going through my head trying to see if maybe I misplaced some details in my memory. That can happen. But...yeah.
I could talk it out, but it seems silly to do so now, so I choose to just let it out on here. Besides, not sure I could without sounding stupid/whiny/crazy/'enter-bad-adjective-here'.
I guess overall its one of those things that just irks/hurts. Stupid past coming up to slap me when I'm not looking. :( Bah. This too will pass.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not Like a Book
The answer was there
But you didn't want to look
You didn't want to care
Life was to follow like a book
The answers a simple black and white
The hero to save the day
Everyone knows how to put up the fight
The heroine knows what to say
Books are written from dreams
They are fueled on imagination
Life doesn't follow those simple themes
Nor bow to your heart's creation
You need to look around you
You need to find the truth
You need to face what was really true
Even the things that were uncouth
What really sucks is to find out that the truth wasn't really told you way back when. That some truths were left out. That what you thought was going on, really wasn't.
This happened to me last night. Its not a BIG thing. It doesn't effect anything now really, but...I don't know. Its like a retroactive slap to the face. It makes you question things, all things, when you find that something like that was misrepresented to you. You wonder what else, what else could have been 'left out' of a story or changed? I am trying not to let this drive me mad. I am trying to not let this get me mad. For the love of Pete this happened months ago.
But here I am and let me tell you, I don't want to be here. Because for the first time, I was actually pissed. Good ol' pissed. Still a bit pissed actually. I'd been 'lied' to. Believe me, I have been going through my head trying to see if maybe I misplaced some details in my memory. That can happen. But...yeah.
I could talk it out, but it seems silly to do so now, so I choose to just let it out on here. Besides, not sure I could without sounding stupid/whiny/crazy/'enter-bad-adjective-here'.
I guess overall its one of those things that just irks/hurts. Stupid past coming up to slap me when I'm not looking. :( Bah. This too will pass.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not Like a Book
The answer was there
But you didn't want to look
You didn't want to care
Life was to follow like a book
The answers a simple black and white
The hero to save the day
Everyone knows how to put up the fight
The heroine knows what to say
Books are written from dreams
They are fueled on imagination
Life doesn't follow those simple themes
Nor bow to your heart's creation
You need to look around you
You need to find the truth
You need to face what was really true
Even the things that were uncouth
Saturday, October 17, 2009
The problem with taking a selfish day
Is that you end up feeling guilty by the end of it. Or at least I do. I know I deserved it, but still...guess I wouldn't be me if I didn't regret a bit of it.
It was a long day. There were some really great things in it with some crappy sprinkled in. There was some MAJOR drama at the office...and it didn't involve me at ALL. Woot! lol Not positive what it was all about. Not sure I care to know. But happily a 'tattle-tale/gossip monger' (yeah, she gets a childish name because its childish what she does) burned her own ass today. That is all I know.
I'm starting to feel guilty about not going to the gym. Seriously, I miss it. ...and seriously, its gonna hurt when I go back. Because I know me, I am going to try and be right where I was before and I am going to have to build back up. SUCK! Oh well, I just have to do it and stop thinking about it at 11:30 when they are already closed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Can You See the Light?
Can you see the light
Showing the way
Showing the end of the journey
Its not much brighter
Nor does it shine on
Greener or prettier pastures
But its a fresh light
Its a new beginning
Its the end of what was before
The path begins anew
Finally, can you see the light?
It was a long day. There were some really great things in it with some crappy sprinkled in. There was some MAJOR drama at the office...and it didn't involve me at ALL. Woot! lol Not positive what it was all about. Not sure I care to know. But happily a 'tattle-tale/gossip monger' (yeah, she gets a childish name because its childish what she does) burned her own ass today. That is all I know.
I'm starting to feel guilty about not going to the gym. Seriously, I miss it. ...and seriously, its gonna hurt when I go back. Because I know me, I am going to try and be right where I was before and I am going to have to build back up. SUCK! Oh well, I just have to do it and stop thinking about it at 11:30 when they are already closed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Can You See the Light?
Can you see the light
Showing the way
Showing the end of the journey
Its not much brighter
Nor does it shine on
Greener or prettier pastures
But its a fresh light
Its a new beginning
Its the end of what was before
The path begins anew
Finally, can you see the light?
Thursday, October 15, 2009
That I may take it easy..
I've been on/off fighting a migraine all week. I think it has decided to settle in, but I haven't given up hope, so I think I am going to call it an early night. Yes, I can too do that. Its possible...I think. lol
Got stuff done again today. Woo hoo for that. Got more stuff to put on my list. woo hoo to that too. A big thanks to a friend who gave me some books that can help me to...learn something. lol I can't wait to start.
Went to trivia for the first time in weeks tonight. It was fun. I hate it when they give us questions that we've had before. I get so freaked about picking them and I inevitably pick the wrong one!! lol Oh well, still ended up winning the most points for the evening and thus, winning the shirt. WOO HOO!! :)
:( Hmm, it seems to be growing in strength. I need to wrap up this random blog. Hope everyone is doing well.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Last Plea
Tell me that she's the one
The one you've been waiting on
The one you've been hoping for
The one you dreamed would
Compliment your life
Tell me she's the one
That fulfills you
That makes you happy
That you want to spend
The rest of you time here on Earth with
Tell me that
Tell me the truth
And I won't bother you again
Got stuff done again today. Woo hoo for that. Got more stuff to put on my list. woo hoo to that too. A big thanks to a friend who gave me some books that can help me to...learn something. lol I can't wait to start.
Went to trivia for the first time in weeks tonight. It was fun. I hate it when they give us questions that we've had before. I get so freaked about picking them and I inevitably pick the wrong one!! lol Oh well, still ended up winning the most points for the evening and thus, winning the shirt. WOO HOO!! :)
:( Hmm, it seems to be growing in strength. I need to wrap up this random blog. Hope everyone is doing well.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Last Plea
Tell me that she's the one
The one you've been waiting on
The one you've been hoping for
The one you dreamed would
Compliment your life
Tell me she's the one
That fulfills you
That makes you happy
That you want to spend
The rest of you time here on Earth with
Tell me that
Tell me the truth
And I won't bother you again
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
I don't really know
So, as we were bowling one of the ladies asked me how my book was going. I really wanted to lie. Because honestly, I have only written maybe a few pages in the past few MONTHS. Its not gone. I have the story (yeah, little things are tripping me up still) but I just haven't been able to. I don't really know what is holding me back. I think a part of it is that...well, parts of the book hit too close to home for me and its hard to write a happy ending when you feel like yours is falling apart. lol
But I started it in different state of mind as well. I already decided that I would be going back to that state of mind, and this was on my list of things to do. Joy!
I am trying to just get back in the habit of writing writing by doing almost ALL of my blogs every night. Let me tell you, it is stretching me. However, it is also becoming easier again. Practice right? Besides, they say the more you write the more likely it is that you will compose something good!
Today was another ok day. Nothing exciting (which I am overly grateful). There were a few things here or there that made me question myself/make me want to cower, but they were small and few.
Ending my day out in the world was bowling. I really wasn't wanting to go tonight. I wasn't really feeling it and I had had a migraine/headache (yes, different things, different times) almost all day. I went though. My first game bowled a 193. Second game bowled a 235 and last game bowled a 215. I've been doing good this year, like I said, but I keep having slump games. I didn't tonight. So yeah!! You my dear readers are the ones that I get to brag to. I know you don't care either, but who else will I tell? :) I was rather happy with my series. It gives me hope. It was even on the pair of lanes that I generally do very poorly on.
Ah Wednesdays.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Can you see it?
"Can you see it?"
"I don't see anything different."
"Can you see it?"
"No, its all the same."
"Can you see it?"
"There is nothing out of the ordinary."
"Can you see it?"
"Let it go, this isn't a game."
"Can you see it?"
"Its all in your head.
I don't see anything changed."
"I shouldn't have asked if you see it,
But if you can feel it instead."
But I started it in different state of mind as well. I already decided that I would be going back to that state of mind, and this was on my list of things to do. Joy!
I am trying to just get back in the habit of writing writing by doing almost ALL of my blogs every night. Let me tell you, it is stretching me. However, it is also becoming easier again. Practice right? Besides, they say the more you write the more likely it is that you will compose something good!
Today was another ok day. Nothing exciting (which I am overly grateful). There were a few things here or there that made me question myself/make me want to cower, but they were small and few.
Ending my day out in the world was bowling. I really wasn't wanting to go tonight. I wasn't really feeling it and I had had a migraine/headache (yes, different things, different times) almost all day. I went though. My first game bowled a 193. Second game bowled a 235 and last game bowled a 215. I've been doing good this year, like I said, but I keep having slump games. I didn't tonight. So yeah!! You my dear readers are the ones that I get to brag to. I know you don't care either, but who else will I tell? :) I was rather happy with my series. It gives me hope. It was even on the pair of lanes that I generally do very poorly on.
Ah Wednesdays.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Can you see it?
"Can you see it?"
"I don't see anything different."
"Can you see it?"
"No, its all the same."
"Can you see it?"
"There is nothing out of the ordinary."
"Can you see it?"
"Let it go, this isn't a game."
"Can you see it?"
"Its all in your head.
I don't see anything changed."
"I shouldn't have asked if you see it,
But if you can feel it instead."
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Rain brings with it the strangest things...
Another interesting day. Things I wish to change, but eh, don't we all have that every day? What made this so interesting though was my work meeting. It was...fun? Last meeting we had wasn't actually all that bad so I was expecting a bad one for today. Surprisingly, no. We actually brain stormed a bit and laughed a lot. Totally unexpected and very welcome.
Does this change anything in the big picture? Not really, no. However, it was nice to have a good day.
I also found that my "I'm not supposed to have an opinion, especially if its negative" has spilled over into my 'real life'. Some friends were talking about something that they don't really enjoy/get and I agree with them, but I sat in my seat all quiet not saying a word. I was with friends for goodness sake! ugh! So much for getting to be me all the time! lol
Ah well.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A hundred times a day
At least a hundred times a day
I find things I want to say to you
At least a hundred times a day
I find moments I want to share
And at least a hundred times a day
I find times where I want your close silence
When all I need is to know you are there
And willing to be beside me
Does this change anything in the big picture? Not really, no. However, it was nice to have a good day.
I also found that my "I'm not supposed to have an opinion, especially if its negative" has spilled over into my 'real life'. Some friends were talking about something that they don't really enjoy/get and I agree with them, but I sat in my seat all quiet not saying a word. I was with friends for goodness sake! ugh! So much for getting to be me all the time! lol
Ah well.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A hundred times a day
At least a hundred times a day
I find things I want to say to you
At least a hundred times a day
I find moments I want to share
And at least a hundred times a day
I find times where I want your close silence
When all I need is to know you are there
And willing to be beside me
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