I am awesome

What Caroline's been thinking is that she lets the belief that the reason certain relationships don't turn out how she would think they would/should guide her in the wrong direction. She always believes it's her. No matter if it's just friendship or something more, or even those where...well it gets all complicated and murky. That if she was thinner. Or daintier. Or 'girlier'. Or smarter. Or stupider. Or funnier. Or less funny. Or talked more. Or talked less. If she went out more. Drank more. Went out less. Drank less. Shorter. Prettier. That if she was one or all of these things, then the relationship with person X would be the perfect way it should be in the way of the Universe. 
Caroline is thinking today, that that is utter crap. She's tried that. Maybe it is just her on the whole that some people don't like. But Caroline is thinking that she IS fucking awesome. And if someone can't see that. Can't see the loyalty. The support. The best. Then it isn't Caroline's fault. It's theirs. 
She isn't going to tear herself down over a relationship that never really was or one that she never really wanted, because the other person is a douche. She isn't going to tear herself down and continually question "what is wrong with me" over past relationships that didn't work. 
She's going to start working on the not caring. Because with all her faults, and there are many, she's awesome. And she really does know that. She just doesn't act like it or show it. She tries to change too often for those around her. She tries to 'read' what they may want, and alters herself to fit. 
She's kind of done with that. It hasn't worked so far, so she's not taking that path anymore if she can avoid it. 
Caroline is thinking she is awesome, and those that don't see that, and/or choose others over her and/or push her aside, can suck it.