Apparently May means "month that is weird for Caroline," because once again, I was faced with a strange week. I'm still trying to figure out how to take it all in and roll with it. It brought up some things that, well, I'm not sure how to reconcile. There always seems to be new lines drawn in the sand. At least this month anyway. I am really tired of all the lines and I am waiting for the tide to wash them all away.
I can't be sure if was intentional or not, but I think my character/intentions/and/or actions were called into question. This was done actually more than once, which is why it is bothering me. Again, not entirely sure that it was the intended purpose of a few of these conversations, but got me to thinking.
Then, I KNOW my intentions were called onto the carpet at least once by a friend. It was flat out said. That both disturbs me and upsets me. Mainly because, well, they KNOW me. Secondly, if you don't think what you are doing has that kind of (or any) impact, how can you possibly defend yourself if it does? Is it something you should know already?
Thus bringing us to the line. I don't get the line. It is blurry and I just want someone to explain all these flippin' lines to me! I can follow directions, but don't question my integrity. There have been many many moments in which I wish my ill will towards someone actually accumulated into something, but it is not in my nature. Or at least, I didn't think it was.
Thankfully, Caroline is thinking that her 3 day weekend went alright. There was a BBQ on Sunday with friends. There was good..embarrassing lol..conversation. The company couldn't have been better. She also is wondering if it is possible to eat even half of the food left in her fridge before it goes bad. Although she did give the boy (aka the human food disposal) free reign on many of those items. (As many of them are salads and veggies.)
Monday two old friends of hers came into town. Always great to see them. They are the kind of friend who, without making you feel bad, ask why you aren't using more of your potential. lol She needs people like that kicking her in the ass. She promised she would visit them in AK...crosses fingers that gas goes back down.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The stars' light travels so far
Yet loses none of it's brightness
In the vast open sky
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
Busy week
Time seems to be flying by
So quickly the days pass
Like watching out the window
Of a fast moving train
Months seem to morph together
And create a seamless matter
With no middle
Just the beginning and now
So swiftly it all is happening
Yet you feel like time has
Just been dragging on
I'm not sure how that
Could possibly be.
When I am sure yesterday just happened.
So quickly the days pass
Like watching out the window
Of a fast moving train
Months seem to morph together
And create a seamless matter
With no middle
Just the beginning and now
So swiftly it all is happening
Yet you feel like time has
Just been dragging on
I'm not sure how that
Could possibly be.
When I am sure yesterday just happened.
Monday, May 18, 2009
That after some time away, I realized I'm not sad, I'm sort of pissed. lol
Ugh, so last week was sort of crappy for many reasons. Work kind of hit me with something out of left field that I wasn't (still not really sure) sure how to take. I wasn't in the mood to discuss it the day it happened, I can't talk to the friend I work with,and everyone else was busy, so I was sort of stuck giving people bits here and there if they had time. lol
Thankfully a friend was able to meet up with me on Friday night and she let me talk it out. We actually took ourselves bar hopping too. lol Overall, just getting the insanity of that meeting out to someone was great. I couldn't believe how much it was just weighing me down. Seriously, I didn't need anything else weighing me down! I'm not entirely sure what my plan of action is here with work, but feeling pissed about it was a good start. lol
Another 'fun' thing was a weird email I received. Why was it weird? Ah, let me tell ya. So for the past few weeks/months I've been talking to people. No one special or anything, but eh, some of them were interesting. Now, I've not made a huge time commitment here with anyone, so this is why this was only weird instead of a full blown WTF. In the email it said something to the effect of "I'm not ready for this."
Umm? Not ready for what is what I am thinking, because I haven't even physically MET you. I do write back and ask what he means, what he means is 'be a father.' I'm sorry what? Totally not asking anyone to be one. I haven't met you, I don't even know if I want to know you, and you knew weeks ago I had a son. There was no pushing of the boy on him because God knows, my friends can agree with me on the fact, that I am often not the one to bring him up to people.
Here's the big issue with this, I don't hide the fact that I have a child. People know this when they first start talking to me. Yet the past few times I've talked/dated someone, this comes up a few weeks in as being an issue. Really? Seriously? You just realized that THIS might be an issue for you? Just slap me in the face, because that's how it feels.
Yeah, last week, this somewhat hurt...k, it still does..but seriously? Now I'm just sort of pissed about it. I can TOTALLY respect someone not wanting to date someone with a kid. Hell, I don't really want to date someone with a kid. How does this change things? I say no thanks to the ones that do. I don't waste their time OR mine. Talking to me will not make the boy go away. He's sort of here...at least until he's 18 anyway. lol
Sort of puts a damper on my plans the next few weeks, as I have a couple dates lined up. Now I am going to be wondering when I will hear that from them. Ugh.
Caroline is thinking that its hard to transition to poetry or talking about the rest of her weekend after her little tirade. lol The poetry may not happen, but otherwise she had a great weekend. She got to spend time with her family down in Joplin and watch her nephew graduate HS. She's a bit weirded out by that, because she swears he was just a kid last year. It was nice though and she is proud of him.
She also got to spend time out in the country for his party. Aww, wonderful! They had turkeys, chickens & quails. So cool. Didn't get very good pictures of them though. :( She did get some good picks of the chicks though. :)
She also got to take a nice hike through a field to a private stream. She wishes should could have stayed out there longer, but was told she could go out there sometime and camp. She might just be taking them up on that!
She's looking forward to this week. It looks like it is a bit booked, but plans always have a way of changing on her anyway. lol
Thankfully a friend was able to meet up with me on Friday night and she let me talk it out. We actually took ourselves bar hopping too. lol Overall, just getting the insanity of that meeting out to someone was great. I couldn't believe how much it was just weighing me down. Seriously, I didn't need anything else weighing me down! I'm not entirely sure what my plan of action is here with work, but feeling pissed about it was a good start. lol
Another 'fun' thing was a weird email I received. Why was it weird? Ah, let me tell ya. So for the past few weeks/months I've been talking to people. No one special or anything, but eh, some of them were interesting. Now, I've not made a huge time commitment here with anyone, so this is why this was only weird instead of a full blown WTF. In the email it said something to the effect of "I'm not ready for this."
Umm? Not ready for what is what I am thinking, because I haven't even physically MET you. I do write back and ask what he means, what he means is 'be a father.' I'm sorry what? Totally not asking anyone to be one. I haven't met you, I don't even know if I want to know you, and you knew weeks ago I had a son. There was no pushing of the boy on him because God knows, my friends can agree with me on the fact, that I am often not the one to bring him up to people.
Here's the big issue with this, I don't hide the fact that I have a child. People know this when they first start talking to me. Yet the past few times I've talked/dated someone, this comes up a few weeks in as being an issue. Really? Seriously? You just realized that THIS might be an issue for you? Just slap me in the face, because that's how it feels.
Yeah, last week, this somewhat hurt...k, it still does..but seriously? Now I'm just sort of pissed about it. I can TOTALLY respect someone not wanting to date someone with a kid. Hell, I don't really want to date someone with a kid. How does this change things? I say no thanks to the ones that do. I don't waste their time OR mine. Talking to me will not make the boy go away. He's sort of here...at least until he's 18 anyway. lol
Sort of puts a damper on my plans the next few weeks, as I have a couple dates lined up. Now I am going to be wondering when I will hear that from them. Ugh.
Caroline is thinking that its hard to transition to poetry or talking about the rest of her weekend after her little tirade. lol The poetry may not happen, but otherwise she had a great weekend. She got to spend time with her family down in Joplin and watch her nephew graduate HS. She's a bit weirded out by that, because she swears he was just a kid last year. It was nice though and she is proud of him.
She also got to spend time out in the country for his party. Aww, wonderful! They had turkeys, chickens & quails. So cool. Didn't get very good pictures of them though. :( She did get some good picks of the chicks though. :)
She also got to take a nice hike through a field to a private stream. She wishes should could have stayed out there longer, but was told she could go out there sometime and camp. She might just be taking them up on that!
She's looking forward to this week. It looks like it is a bit booked, but plans always have a way of changing on her anyway. lol
Friday, May 15, 2009
That there are times when I really shouldn't speak
Caroline's been thinking. A lot. About everything. Sometimes more on this than on that. It wasn't the greatest week for her. She wants to talk about it. She needs to talk about it...but there isn't an appropriate outlet. Oddly enough, the blog(s) won't work and she can't seem to find the right time to talk to people. Who knew everyone had lives. lol Truthfully its all bringing her down, and with that, all she wants to do is complain or mope or whatever..or sleep. :) 'Diarrhea of the mouth' of randomness as one of my sisters might say. Due to that, she hasn't written many blog posts this week more than a few sentences long, if that. She hates it when she feels she can't share something, that she really wants to share. bah. As the Killers say "Everything, will be alright. Everything, will be alright. Everything, will be alright." Right? lol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The silence between them
Echoed the long distance
That they could feel growing
Between them everyday
Nothing stays the same they say
But they also say
Nothing ever changes
Pithy one liners hold no weight
In the day to day
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The silence between them
Echoed the long distance
That they could feel growing
Between them everyday
Nothing stays the same they say
But they also say
Nothing ever changes
Pithy one liners hold no weight
In the day to day
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
That storms really make me happy
Or at least the building up of one. The swirling winds that bend the trees, revealing the various shades of green hidden from me on still, sunny days. The grey clouds in the distance that create a contrast for all the colors to pop out and seem fresh and new. The highlights at the edge of the clouds as they enter or leave, giving hope to the 'silver lining'. The incredible heights to which the clouds will go to and stop, hitting invisible but strong ceilings. The smell of moisture clean and new blowing across your face. The energy the air seems to generate in anticipation of something refreshing.
Its all sort of hard to beat. :)
This week has kept me busy. We are basically done with the remodel. Thank God. Unfortunately they didn't think about how we would need electricity on the new work counter. Not sure why they thought we wouldn't but...ugh. So sometime in the near future there will be more ladders, more dust, more noise, more confusion. I don't look forward to it. But overall it looks really nice. Today was the first time I was able to use my desk the way we had planed for. SOOOOO nice. Well, minus the whole computer giving me issues today. You would think that after two days of minimal use it would WANT to function properly.Apparently not. lol
Tomorrow is either going to be great, or suck greatly. I am hoping for the former, but holding reservations on it. I am having a lunch meeting with two of my bosses, I point blank asked if I should be prepared for something...I wasn't given a direct answer, but it was a positive response that I got. ugh. Who knows. I may be taking my paper and writing in the park the rest of the summer. lol
Caroline's been thinking about how lazy she is about some things in her life. Always has she supposes. lol She just doesn't like to make the effort in some cases. In her mind, this is all just fine, but thinking that maybe in the grand scheme of things, not so much. Not sure how she's going to change that though. lol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Repeating
The same patterns reveal themselves
Again and again
Surprising that each turn can still
Bring us to the same point
The same conclusions
Similar outcomes
Lives following what we make it
Or what it makes of us
Repeating
From the beginning
Or skipping to the middle
Yet the end is always the same
Cycling through the world
We are all repeating
Something
Its all sort of hard to beat. :)
This week has kept me busy. We are basically done with the remodel. Thank God. Unfortunately they didn't think about how we would need electricity on the new work counter. Not sure why they thought we wouldn't but...ugh. So sometime in the near future there will be more ladders, more dust, more noise, more confusion. I don't look forward to it. But overall it looks really nice. Today was the first time I was able to use my desk the way we had planed for. SOOOOO nice. Well, minus the whole computer giving me issues today. You would think that after two days of minimal use it would WANT to function properly.Apparently not. lol
Tomorrow is either going to be great, or suck greatly. I am hoping for the former, but holding reservations on it. I am having a lunch meeting with two of my bosses, I point blank asked if I should be prepared for something...I wasn't given a direct answer, but it was a positive response that I got. ugh. Who knows. I may be taking my paper and writing in the park the rest of the summer. lol
Caroline's been thinking about how lazy she is about some things in her life. Always has she supposes. lol She just doesn't like to make the effort in some cases. In her mind, this is all just fine, but thinking that maybe in the grand scheme of things, not so much. Not sure how she's going to change that though. lol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Repeating
The same patterns reveal themselves
Again and again
Surprising that each turn can still
Bring us to the same point
The same conclusions
Similar outcomes
Lives following what we make it
Or what it makes of us
Repeating
From the beginning
Or skipping to the middle
Yet the end is always the same
Cycling through the world
We are all repeating
Something
Sunday, May 10, 2009
That I am a horrible writer.
Ok, not a writer writer. I'm to vain to think that (even if its true sometimes). No, I mean writer as in someone who writes letters back to people. Who keeps in touch well. I suck at it. I will write letters, but they will never get mailed. One would think this wouldn't be a problem with email now, but no. I have the ability to put it off and off and off until emails get buried under others and then never responded to. I always feel so horrible about this too.
When my friends move, I warn them. I tell them I will think of them often, and I will probably write as well...but I will never mail it. Five years down the road, you may have forgotten me or thought that I have forgotten you, but it won't be true. There are people I knew 10 years ago that I still occasionally want to write to, but, well, its been 10 years! lol
This fault in my personality is very annoying to me. I would love to be one of those great pen pals that can write letters every other week (and send them) but I'm not. I try. I really do. Of course it is worse when I think of my relatives that write me. Ugh, guilt.
Caroline is thinking that it was a rather nice day. She used to feel all weird about Mother's Day. She supposes part of her still does, but not so much this year. There were no expectations or big plans. She simply enjoyed her time with her family. Other than the occational message from friends, it wasn't unlike many other days. She liked that...she would have liked it more if she could have slept in. :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Over just a ways, there is a path
It looks so well done
The grass around it looks so green
And the flowers that line it
Seem to be the most breathtaking of all
Pinks and violets and blues
Trees offer leafy relief from the sun
The spotty shade dancing along
The seemingly smooth surface of the path
The path below your feet
Begins to seem so plain.
There are cracks running along the side
The flowers that are there
Seem to have been in the sun too long
Patches of yellow show through the green
How you wish you were on the other path
In wishing you miss the holes
The weeds waving along side the lilies
The uneven tread
That the distant path offers as well
When my friends move, I warn them. I tell them I will think of them often, and I will probably write as well...but I will never mail it. Five years down the road, you may have forgotten me or thought that I have forgotten you, but it won't be true. There are people I knew 10 years ago that I still occasionally want to write to, but, well, its been 10 years! lol
This fault in my personality is very annoying to me. I would love to be one of those great pen pals that can write letters every other week (and send them) but I'm not. I try. I really do. Of course it is worse when I think of my relatives that write me. Ugh, guilt.
Caroline is thinking that it was a rather nice day. She used to feel all weird about Mother's Day. She supposes part of her still does, but not so much this year. There were no expectations or big plans. She simply enjoyed her time with her family. Other than the occational message from friends, it wasn't unlike many other days. She liked that...she would have liked it more if she could have slept in. :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Over just a ways, there is a path
It looks so well done
The grass around it looks so green
And the flowers that line it
Seem to be the most breathtaking of all
Pinks and violets and blues
Trees offer leafy relief from the sun
The spotty shade dancing along
The seemingly smooth surface of the path
The path below your feet
Begins to seem so plain.
There are cracks running along the side
The flowers that are there
Seem to have been in the sun too long
Patches of yellow show through the green
How you wish you were on the other path
In wishing you miss the holes
The weeds waving along side the lilies
The uneven tread
That the distant path offers as well
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
That its been a good day, but I'm exhausted
This week has just felt weird. Think it was being sick on Monday, because I feel like its only Tuesday. The week is slipping away from me. I've been up late every night, and up early every morning, this is leading me to a very slow functioning attitude.
I've been keeping up with my 'schedule'. It really is helping to keep me focused through the week. I think that its adding to my exhaustion though, because I always add more in that I don't take note of. Like the dinner.
Spent an hour or so preparing some of the meal yesterday. Today, ran home to start the polenta, which I have never made before. As that was setting decided to make some bread to go with dinner. Still had some little straightening to do for the house (not that my friends care what it looks like anyway). Then had to prep the chicken some more. Went to grab my carrots and cucumber, and found that they did not survive the trip to my office and back. Just ran around in circles for about 3 hours.
Thankfully it all turned out well, and everyone enjoyed the food. My vegetarian friend that came eats, well, only snack food really. lol So she wasn't sure what to say about the polenta. I made enough for everyone to try it. Figured we would experiment together. :) It wasn't too bad. We all liked it a bit differently though. (one sans anything, one salt & pepper, one with the sauce..) I have plenty left over though because we were all full from the chicken, bread, potatoes and corn! Very starchy/filling meal. Dinner with friends is always awesome. :)
I believe this has sapped everything out of me though. I think now I am just going to sit back and relax and, well, start studying for the GRE. lol Yeah, my way of relaxing is weird.
Caroline's been letting her mind drift while working. So much monotonous work to do. :( Anyway, she's been thinking about things she would like to hear...but knows she won't. lol
Do you see the words in you mind
Or can you see the images they create
Is it free to wander into abstract
Or does it all need to fit into reality
I've been keeping up with my 'schedule'. It really is helping to keep me focused through the week. I think that its adding to my exhaustion though, because I always add more in that I don't take note of. Like the dinner.
Spent an hour or so preparing some of the meal yesterday. Today, ran home to start the polenta, which I have never made before. As that was setting decided to make some bread to go with dinner. Still had some little straightening to do for the house (not that my friends care what it looks like anyway). Then had to prep the chicken some more. Went to grab my carrots and cucumber, and found that they did not survive the trip to my office and back. Just ran around in circles for about 3 hours.
Thankfully it all turned out well, and everyone enjoyed the food. My vegetarian friend that came eats, well, only snack food really. lol So she wasn't sure what to say about the polenta. I made enough for everyone to try it. Figured we would experiment together. :) It wasn't too bad. We all liked it a bit differently though. (one sans anything, one salt & pepper, one with the sauce..) I have plenty left over though because we were all full from the chicken, bread, potatoes and corn! Very starchy/filling meal. Dinner with friends is always awesome. :)
I believe this has sapped everything out of me though. I think now I am just going to sit back and relax and, well, start studying for the GRE. lol Yeah, my way of relaxing is weird.
Caroline's been letting her mind drift while working. So much monotonous work to do. :( Anyway, she's been thinking about things she would like to hear...but knows she won't. lol
- The remodel is done this week!
- Because of all your patience, all the opticians are getting a $500 bonus!!
- I've missed you too.
- We found this check for $5000, and its written out to you!!
- You won the lottery!
- Lunch, we need to do lunch...soon...and I'll pay. :)
- Read the first part of your book, we'd like to publish it.
- Oh him? He's...(hmm, can't think of anything REALLY bad that I want to happen to him. lol Even though I wish bad things for him...but I can't say it, seems too mean...but I wish bad things. lol Stupid/evil people deserve bad things.)
- Your trip to Poland & Ireland & England has been booked. See ya in 2 months!
- All the music you want is free this week!!
- Do you want this free kitten?
- You've been doing really well. Proud of ya!
Do you see the words in you mind
Or can you see the images they create
Is it free to wander into abstract
Or does it all need to fit into reality
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
That everone keeps playing with my hair..
It's weird. For the past two days, everyone (yes, exaggeration, you know what I mean!) has been playing with my hair. Its crazy. I love it, don't get me wrong. Nothing so relaxing to me as someone playing with my hair..ok, massages are good too..so I am NOT complaining. I just think its sort of weird. lol hmmm, maybe they feel my stress? Ya know, because I'm stressed...yeah, that's it. lol
I got the first few steps of the chicken Kiev done tonight. Its fun to pound the meat with my masher. lol I decided to make a tomato-basil polenta as well. I kept finding all these recipes I like with peppers, but she doesn't like peppers. ugh! But I think the polenta will go nicely with everything else being served...as long as I don't mess it up. lol
Going through my cookbook I decided I need to have a Polish night. There are some meals that are just too much for me to eat on my own, but would love to share. I took out my Polish cookbook and figured out a menu...now just have to figure out a date. Because some of these things are going to take a WHILE to prepare.
Its exciting though. I love having people over...even if I am not currently making plans with people. lol I think I may even do invites. woo hoo!! :) (And of course I looked for some good vegetarian dishes. I know who I would invite, so I know most of everyones prefences...I think.) There is a recipe or two...or four..that I haven't tried yet. I am anxous to make them. I am sure they will be tasty, but I have some other dishes that I have made so many times, there is no worries that at least SOMETHING will be good...at least to me. :p
Still so much to do before they come over. Its just a small group of friends, but they are part of the 'original' group. Ok, one of them joined us a year later but, eh. lol Sadly, one of the guys works every weekend and most weekdays, so we are going to hang out tomorrow. Its been a long time since we all have been able too. I am looking forward to it, even if it will feel a bit strange. :)
Caroline is thinking that its bizarre, that in life, you can miss something that you never had. Go figure.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Each push brought her closer
Each pull brought her near
The sweat on the brow
The set of the mouth
Visualizing the end
What it is all for
The twist of the arm
The stretch of the leg
Each struggle brought her peace
Each pain brought her hope
I got the first few steps of the chicken Kiev done tonight. Its fun to pound the meat with my masher. lol I decided to make a tomato-basil polenta as well. I kept finding all these recipes I like with peppers, but she doesn't like peppers. ugh! But I think the polenta will go nicely with everything else being served...as long as I don't mess it up. lol
Going through my cookbook I decided I need to have a Polish night. There are some meals that are just too much for me to eat on my own, but would love to share. I took out my Polish cookbook and figured out a menu...now just have to figure out a date. Because some of these things are going to take a WHILE to prepare.
Its exciting though. I love having people over...even if I am not currently making plans with people. lol I think I may even do invites. woo hoo!! :) (And of course I looked for some good vegetarian dishes. I know who I would invite, so I know most of everyones prefences...I think.) There is a recipe or two...or four..that I haven't tried yet. I am anxous to make them. I am sure they will be tasty, but I have some other dishes that I have made so many times, there is no worries that at least SOMETHING will be good...at least to me. :p
Still so much to do before they come over. Its just a small group of friends, but they are part of the 'original' group. Ok, one of them joined us a year later but, eh. lol Sadly, one of the guys works every weekend and most weekdays, so we are going to hang out tomorrow. Its been a long time since we all have been able too. I am looking forward to it, even if it will feel a bit strange. :)
Caroline is thinking that its bizarre, that in life, you can miss something that you never had. Go figure.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Each push brought her closer
Each pull brought her near
The sweat on the brow
The set of the mouth
Visualizing the end
What it is all for
The twist of the arm
The stretch of the leg
Each struggle brought her peace
Each pain brought her hope
Monday, May 4, 2009
That my phone was so quiet this evening
Very weird, but somewhat nice too. I turned off all Twitter updates -except direct messages. Allowed me to totally veg in front of some movies. Which is a good thing, because I was crazy, and although I wasn't feeling well, did some pilates along with some yoga. My body was in conplete confusion over all the activity and still no food. lol (Would have liked to of gone for a walk but not sure if that would of been a good idea.) It was weird having a few hours to myself and not be connected on purpose. I think I forgot how much I like to have control of certain parts of my life. Could be addicting again. :P lol
I'm pretty excited about my plants so far this year. I thought I was going to lose most of my plants (especially the roses) due to all those cold snaps we were getting, but to look at it all now, you wouldn't know it. Each year my long stem roses have a few more blooms, and it looks like this year will out do the others. My rose bush has so many buds on it right now. Not sure if the picture does the one branch justice. I still need to go out and 'redirect' it, it always likes to try and go across my window. Not that I don't like the flowers, but it looks messy, and who wants messy roses? (OK, I'll probably have messy roses, because I should probably do some pruning now, and I just don't want to. I want flowers!! lol)
The Irises are popping up great as well. Once they are done, the lilies should pop up. The spearmint has already taken over it's corner. Seriously, anyone want some? It'll grow and grow and grow...and smell great! :)
So all that is left is the patch of death. I keep meaning to try some sunflowers there. Cliche' I know, but hey, if they'll grow... I want to put the hardy mums back, but they couldn't take that spot either. curses! I may put all my planters there and put some simply veggies and herbs in them. Just have a planter garden in the middle...where everyone can walk past it and go "OH!! She has cucumbers!!" ...because I am going to grow cucumbers in a planter. :) If those two plans fail I will put the skull staff back there to warn good plants to stay away. (Even the weeds don't like it! And I HAVE changed the soil. THREE times!! ugh)
Caroline is thinking she is a bit amused at how dark her hair is right now...but she likes it. She felt a bit better when someone else said it looked darker, because she was wondering if it was just her. She was happy to keep her length, much to the bewilderment of friends who love cutting off their hair. lol Now she just needs that tan to go along with it.
She's also thinking that maybe she should track her couch-5k progress. She's been working on it for the past week. Although, she fully admits she has to alter it slightly when her asthma starts up. :( poopy. So she's not exact. At least she's trying right? She's also thinking that she had seen a friend post in her blog the push up challenge and considered it then...but did nothing. Nothing makes her happier then another challenge. lol But we'll see, she'd have to find lots more time in the week to fit it all in at once with all that she is doing already.
Caroline is thinking that she is totally thankful for a friend that carried out a deep conversation with her via text today. Was very much needed, and really needed someone to tell her she really isn't bi-polar. lol Sometimes she worries. :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The twinkling lights drew them near
Out the door and across the green floor
The animals in the ground noted the passing
And with light making diamonds of their eyes
Watched from below
With necks stretched up
And ears full of silence
The eyes took in more than they thought they could
Wanting to burn the memory of it all
The calmness
The coolness
The sharpmess of each star gazing down
So that in years future
When no longer able to walk the path
They can recall it all
And imagine
I'm pretty excited about my plants so far this year. I thought I was going to lose most of my plants (especially the roses) due to all those cold snaps we were getting, but to look at it all now, you wouldn't know it. Each year my long stem roses have a few more blooms, and it looks like this year will out do the others. My rose bush has so many buds on it right now. Not sure if the picture does the one branch justice. I still need to go out and 'redirect' it, it always likes to try and go across my window. Not that I don't like the flowers, but it looks messy, and who wants messy roses? (OK, I'll probably have messy roses, because I should probably do some pruning now, and I just don't want to. I want flowers!! lol)
The Irises are popping up great as well. Once they are done, the lilies should pop up. The spearmint has already taken over it's corner. Seriously, anyone want some? It'll grow and grow and grow...and smell great! :)
So all that is left is the patch of death. I keep meaning to try some sunflowers there. Cliche' I know, but hey, if they'll grow... I want to put the hardy mums back, but they couldn't take that spot either. curses! I may put all my planters there and put some simply veggies and herbs in them. Just have a planter garden in the middle...where everyone can walk past it and go "OH!! She has cucumbers!!" ...because I am going to grow cucumbers in a planter. :) If those two plans fail I will put the skull staff back there to warn good plants to stay away. (Even the weeds don't like it! And I HAVE changed the soil. THREE times!! ugh)
Caroline is thinking she is a bit amused at how dark her hair is right now...but she likes it. She felt a bit better when someone else said it looked darker, because she was wondering if it was just her. She was happy to keep her length, much to the bewilderment of friends who love cutting off their hair. lol Now she just needs that tan to go along with it.
She's also thinking that maybe she should track her couch-5k progress. She's been working on it for the past week. Although, she fully admits she has to alter it slightly when her asthma starts up. :( poopy. So she's not exact. At least she's trying right? She's also thinking that she had seen a friend post in her blog the push up challenge and considered it then...but did nothing. Nothing makes her happier then another challenge. lol But we'll see, she'd have to find lots more time in the week to fit it all in at once with all that she is doing already.
Caroline is thinking that she is totally thankful for a friend that carried out a deep conversation with her via text today. Was very much needed, and really needed someone to tell her she really isn't bi-polar. lol Sometimes she worries. :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The twinkling lights drew them near
Out the door and across the green floor
The animals in the ground noted the passing
And with light making diamonds of their eyes
Watched from below
With necks stretched up
And ears full of silence
The eyes took in more than they thought they could
Wanting to burn the memory of it all
The calmness
The coolness
The sharpmess of each star gazing down
So that in years future
When no longer able to walk the path
They can recall it all
And imagine
Sunday, May 3, 2009
That today was pretty awesome
The weekend has been, ugh, idk, crazy. There has been lots of good and lots of shitty. I'm gratefull that it ended on this day, because today was good.
Woke up early for a Sunday (this would be before noon). Got a workout in and some chores and then headed over to pick up the boy to head downtown. They have an Art in the Park there each year. Love going and looking at jewelry and paintings. Big city event with music too. Wasn't sure what he would think of it, but figured, hell, at least there is a park too. lol On my way there got a text from a friend who was thinking of heading there herself. Haven't gotten to spend much time with her lately because of schedules and health, so was happy that I might get to.
Felt total excitement with the parking spot I got. It was right across from the park. This was good because it played into the other plans I had for leaving after an hour. The boy was...mopey at first, but he started seeing what I was seeing I think. There were some great photographers there with great pics of landscapes and storms/clouds/weather. Two of my favorite things. I know he was getting into it when he wanted to draw on the car with chalk. So weird, but really cool.
My friend didn't get there until an hour later, and that was when I needed to head off. I stopped by and talked to them for a bit, but left them to their fries and brat. mmmmm Then, taking a risk, I took the boy to see Bob & Elizabeth Dole speaking at the Lied Center. (I had a bribe of funnel cake afterwords set up in reserve.)
Got there 5 minutes before it was supposed to start. The tickets were free, but I was never able to get on campus to get any so I was hoping that there would be space inside. Luckily there was...I am after all in a liberal town, they weren't knocking down the doors to see two old GOP Senators speak about life. After confusing some door hosts, we got in and took our seats. I was really happy I went. If you have never listened to Mr. Dole speak off the campaign trail, you really should. He has a great sense of humor, and when he is with Mrs. Dole..oh its just cute. lol
It was interesting to hear Elizabeth Dole speak about what she had to deal with when she was first entering the jobs she did as the first, or rare, female to do so. It was also inspiring to hear someone talk about loving what they did/do because of a passion to do it. They were both talking about it. I swear, sitting there, I was like WHY am I not working in someone's office right now?
I also had to respect them both, because they spoke of bi-partisanship. I, even though I have my opinions, can't respect a lack of compromise that I see spouted so often. When asked what they thought of Arlen Spector's change of party, Dole said "I wasn't happy with his decision, but I am his friend, and I respect that. I believe he will also continue to do what he has always done, and vote what he thought was best. He won't be a yes man, just to make the numbers." I think its the belief in your fellow politicians to do what is RIGHT, not just right for your party, that is so cool. Ah, if only the newer ones could think that way...
The boy listened to most of it, but I could tell he was so ready for it to be over...it could be because he kept asking me when/if it was over. lol But he never asked for his GameBoy (which I am eternally grateful for). So after it was all done, I took him back to the park. By then my friends had already gone, so I sat in the sun while the boy played in the playground. Fair trade I think since he sat through a lecture! Then got some mondo curly fries. Good God, there was enough caleries to last me all week...if I had eaten it all. But even with the boy eating most of it, couldn't finish it. We cut the grease with some fresh squeezed lemonade and then headed back to the park.
On a side note, I know he knows about homelessness. Or at least he did when he went to the Catholic School, but I guess they don't talk much about it at the public one. I say that because we passed two benches on the way back to the car and on both benches there were men sleeping. Passing the first one he turned to me, pointed to the man and sort of laughed because he was sleeping. I pointed out the other one, and he thought it was silly. Then I told him it was because they were homeless. Total sadness came over him. He was so sad for those two men who didn't have a bed to sleep in. He really is a very empathetic child. He can do such good I think.
After the park we ran home so I could change and then we went to the Arbor park so I could get a nice walk/jog in. Love it there. While I walked, he went around the pond with another kid to look for tadpoles. So relaxing and so great a day hanging out with just him. Very nice.
Got a call from another friend who was in town and she came over and hung out for a while. Again, sitting outside enjoying the weather. ...and getting freaked out by protective staring birds. lol OH OH OH and seeing little baby bunnies!! Too cute! Hopped right by our feet!! lol (Just imagine me using a high squeek voice there, and you have my true reaction to it.) She also brought me her PostSecret books to read. After she left I started one...and then the other..and then the other. lol I'm done with them all. I can't re-read them tonight, because I already teared up over lots of them. ugh. lol Still not a bad way to end my weekend. Here's to hoping this week turns out as good as today. :)
Caroline's been thinking that, well hell, some things are harder then she expected. Not that she is really surprised, she just thought...eh, she doesn't really know. She just wasn't expecting things to be like they are. But, like in a letter she wrote to herself (yes, she does this, don't laugh) "of anything and everything, I am sure you will be ok. times change, opinions change, life changes....you are stubborn and strong and talented. you are all good. you may be down right now..but you will be fine." She's quite the pep talker huh? lol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It seemed so hollow
Echoing off the buildings
The cobblestones not absorbing
The sound of each step at all
Each placement of the heel
Is announced in all its solitude
Yet followed so closely by another
The night swallows the sounds
Past the edges of the sidewalk
The singleness of the echo
Only lasting there
A couple walks by
The walls of the buildings
Do not notice
The cobblestons do not announce
The passing of the quick steps
The night welcomes their
Laughter and simple conversation
The hallowness returns.
Woke up early for a Sunday (this would be before noon). Got a workout in and some chores and then headed over to pick up the boy to head downtown. They have an Art in the Park there each year. Love going and looking at jewelry and paintings. Big city event with music too. Wasn't sure what he would think of it, but figured, hell, at least there is a park too. lol On my way there got a text from a friend who was thinking of heading there herself. Haven't gotten to spend much time with her lately because of schedules and health, so was happy that I might get to.
Felt total excitement with the parking spot I got. It was right across from the park. This was good because it played into the other plans I had for leaving after an hour. The boy was...mopey at first, but he started seeing what I was seeing I think. There were some great photographers there with great pics of landscapes and storms/clouds/weather. Two of my favorite things. I know he was getting into it when he wanted to draw on the car with chalk. So weird, but really cool.
My friend didn't get there until an hour later, and that was when I needed to head off. I stopped by and talked to them for a bit, but left them to their fries and brat. mmmmm Then, taking a risk, I took the boy to see Bob & Elizabeth Dole speaking at the Lied Center. (I had a bribe of funnel cake afterwords set up in reserve.)
Got there 5 minutes before it was supposed to start. The tickets were free, but I was never able to get on campus to get any so I was hoping that there would be space inside. Luckily there was...I am after all in a liberal town, they weren't knocking down the doors to see two old GOP Senators speak about life. After confusing some door hosts, we got in and took our seats. I was really happy I went. If you have never listened to Mr. Dole speak off the campaign trail, you really should. He has a great sense of humor, and when he is with Mrs. Dole..oh its just cute. lol
It was interesting to hear Elizabeth Dole speak about what she had to deal with when she was first entering the jobs she did as the first, or rare, female to do so. It was also inspiring to hear someone talk about loving what they did/do because of a passion to do it. They were both talking about it. I swear, sitting there, I was like WHY am I not working in someone's office right now?
I also had to respect them both, because they spoke of bi-partisanship. I, even though I have my opinions, can't respect a lack of compromise that I see spouted so often. When asked what they thought of Arlen Spector's change of party, Dole said "I wasn't happy with his decision, but I am his friend, and I respect that. I believe he will also continue to do what he has always done, and vote what he thought was best. He won't be a yes man, just to make the numbers." I think its the belief in your fellow politicians to do what is RIGHT, not just right for your party, that is so cool. Ah, if only the newer ones could think that way...
The boy listened to most of it, but I could tell he was so ready for it to be over...it could be because he kept asking me when/if it was over. lol But he never asked for his GameBoy (which I am eternally grateful for). So after it was all done, I took him back to the park. By then my friends had already gone, so I sat in the sun while the boy played in the playground. Fair trade I think since he sat through a lecture! Then got some mondo curly fries. Good God, there was enough caleries to last me all week...if I had eaten it all. But even with the boy eating most of it, couldn't finish it. We cut the grease with some fresh squeezed lemonade and then headed back to the park.
On a side note, I know he knows about homelessness. Or at least he did when he went to the Catholic School, but I guess they don't talk much about it at the public one. I say that because we passed two benches on the way back to the car and on both benches there were men sleeping. Passing the first one he turned to me, pointed to the man and sort of laughed because he was sleeping. I pointed out the other one, and he thought it was silly. Then I told him it was because they were homeless. Total sadness came over him. He was so sad for those two men who didn't have a bed to sleep in. He really is a very empathetic child. He can do such good I think.
After the park we ran home so I could change and then we went to the Arbor park so I could get a nice walk/jog in. Love it there. While I walked, he went around the pond with another kid to look for tadpoles. So relaxing and so great a day hanging out with just him. Very nice.
Got a call from another friend who was in town and she came over and hung out for a while. Again, sitting outside enjoying the weather. ...and getting freaked out by protective staring birds. lol OH OH OH and seeing little baby bunnies!! Too cute! Hopped right by our feet!! lol (Just imagine me using a high squeek voice there, and you have my true reaction to it.) She also brought me her PostSecret books to read. After she left I started one...and then the other..and then the other. lol I'm done with them all. I can't re-read them tonight, because I already teared up over lots of them. ugh. lol Still not a bad way to end my weekend. Here's to hoping this week turns out as good as today. :)
Caroline's been thinking that, well hell, some things are harder then she expected. Not that she is really surprised, she just thought...eh, she doesn't really know. She just wasn't expecting things to be like they are. But, like in a letter she wrote to herself (yes, she does this, don't laugh) "of anything and everything, I am sure you will be ok. times change, opinions change, life changes....you are stubborn and strong and talented. you are all good. you may be down right now..but you will be fine." She's quite the pep talker huh? lol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It seemed so hollow
Echoing off the buildings
The cobblestones not absorbing
The sound of each step at all
Each placement of the heel
Is announced in all its solitude
Yet followed so closely by another
The night swallows the sounds
Past the edges of the sidewalk
The singleness of the echo
Only lasting there
A couple walks by
The walls of the buildings
Do not notice
The cobblestons do not announce
The passing of the quick steps
The night welcomes their
Laughter and simple conversation
The hallowness returns.
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