I know its my fault

I am fully aware and take responsibility for the choices I made 12 years ago. I understand how that has impacted my life. Yet at the same time, damn it, I am a smart fucking person. There is no reason I shouldn't be able to get a job the (OMG!) I like AND that pays me well! There is no reason with my degree I shouldn't be able to pay off my student loans. And I should be able to once in a while go its just not fucking fair. People who didn't have the situations I had, who, in my opinion have/had it easier have it lucky. I can't help but think about how different things would be if I hadn't had to turn down the internships in D.C. If I had been able to immediately go on to Grad school.

I'm in sort of a pissy mood right now because I am tired of being pushed into corners. I am tired of feeling lame if I don't spend money. I am tired of not being able to spend money. I am just tired of a lot of shit. Its ridiculous. It passes. I try really hard to not let money get to me. And honestly, its not as bad now as it could be or the worse its ever been. I have some money in the bank...just not enough. Its never effing enough for the needs, let alone the wants. And today I am pissy about it. Today I am crying unfair on my life. I've worked to hard to just be where I am right now.