I have no idea where this is going to go. Fair warning.

I'm stressed. There is only one part of my life that isn't really stressing me out, and oddly enough, that would be work. Everything else...AHHHH!
I guess most of this wouldn't be so bad if I could have talked it out with people, or with my friend. But those things aren't happening and don't look like it'll be that way again. Which also leads to more stress. I used to releave some stress by writing, but I haven't really done much of that either. So whether or not things really are in the shitter or I just feel that way, idk. It probably is the latter. I've dealt with so much worse, so all this...it shouldn't be keeping me up right now.
But it is.
I was so excited to get a working car the other week (still don't have it) because, not just for freedom to go where I choose, but because then I'll get to go visit my friends that I don't get to see much of anymore. This gets me in the cycle of, do they really want to be my friend if they don't want to put in an effort to see me? Yeah, I'm without a car at the moment, and have been for a while, but I haven't bugged anyone every week for a ride. One friend, ONE friend always offers to get me and makes an effort. Otherwise, I don't see anyone until I borrow a car and go to them. And yeah, maybe its not as serious as all that, but it sure as hell feels that way. So I get this car, drive to people and what? They will then want to see me? I guess I'm just sensitive already, and just people I care about keep fucking moving away. Good people. I can handle changes, but loss, loss I suck at. I swear, I feel like everytime I blink, someone else is gone. And I don't want to lose anymore. But maybe, maybe I just need to embrace it. Move somewhere. No, no idea where. But, why not? Then this house will be empty and maybe it could be the 4th home I've lived in to be destroyed after I go. Seriously, 2 by tornadoes. What the Fuck.
I just feel like I need to get shit out, but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But I'm killing myself this way. I just miss my friends...or blogging. Guess I'll see which one pans out.