Day five

so, I don't talk about the thing I am not going to talk about. I'm not going to talk about how I feel like I am clinging to friends because I need to be around other people, even though every fiber of my being is telling me to go home and just curl in a ball. I'm not going to talk about how I have been physically forcing myself to not let the tears fall for no apparent reason at least four times a day. I'm not going to talk about how I want to talk about it, but I don't talk about it and I don't want to bring others down. I don't want to talk about it because I don't want to talk about it and don't even know how. I don't want to talk about what I need from people, because I never ask. I'm not going to talk about it. Because I never talk about it. I just let it run its course and hold on for dear life and hope it passes without any major damage. I don't want to talk about it because I want to believe it isn't effecting me or my life. I don't want to talk about it, because if I do I should be talking to my go-to. I don't want to talk about it because I've been avoiding it this long, why spread it around. I don't want to talk about it...but I'm tired of keeping it in, and if I just let it out, since I can't have my way in other things, it will go away.