Cycles

"Those that don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it." I think we've all heard that said a hundred times in our lives. Of course they are generally commenting on the world in general and politics and war. It works well for life too though and that maybe you have to repeat it so many times before you can actually learn. We can say we've learned when we are down on our knees in pain or regret, but when the situation pops up again in a different form, we may not be much better off.

I know I am not immune to not following this, along with many people I know. We make the choice over and over again in our lives. We find it was the wrong one. After a few times in life, we may even see the similarities. We start to notice the things in life we should avoid or learn from...but we aren't quite done with the lesson, so we go around again. After all, its not exactly the same, so we don't have to compare. ...By the way, I think I am going to rely a bit heavier on listening to friends on this one, they see the similarities faster then you or I because they aren't that close to it.

Relationships are a great example of this. Its like we have to have it drilled in our heads time and again what is bad for us, what we don't need, before we start to actually see when a relationship or friendship is bad for us. We like to think we know what is going on. That we did learn from it the last time. "This situation or that, that seems so closely related, really isn't anything like it." We believe that we aren't going to fall for it again, but what that saying doesn't remind us is that history can be comfortable.

We start something, we may see those warning signs we saw the last time, but it feels 'right'. I think that feeling of 'right' comes from the fact that it is familiar. People like what is familiar and comfortable. What we know. We know what hurt us. These new situations though, they are not all bad. Parts of it are good, ignoring the things staring us in the face. Besides, we know better right? We won't fall for something again. We've 'learned'....until we see that we haven't.

We start the cycle of a bad habit. Just one time here or there, we forget why its so bad. Then it hits us why its just as bad as the last time. Why there are some things we have to give up completely, because they only hurt us. Then we have to find a way to recover. We vow to never do it again. We learned.

Sometimes it seems we never learn.

I think in some things though, I took that saying to heart too strong. I know that. I have had a few of those relationships, that to this day, I sit in amazement that I was still in one with the person. I let them treat me that way. I let myself feel that way...why? How many times did I do the naive thing? I believed I wasn't doing it to myself again and then there I was, shocked and amazed at my own stupidity. So I think a few years ago, after my last go round of seeing how 'stupid' I was, I went to the polar opposite. I won't fall for that again. I won't. Easiest way, don't fall for anything. I want to break the cycle. I don't think I realized that was what I was really doing until a few weeks ago when I started this blog. (Yeah, for as poorly written as it is, its a long time in the works. Sorry. lol) I can make all the excuses I want, but I have realized that I have a sever blind side to some things. To how I let people treat me. So I avoid some of those situations as best I can. Someday, maybe someone will be worthy enough for me to try it out again.

This doesn't mean I don't feel anything. Sadly, I think at times its the opposite. lol I don't think learning from something can take away the way base of the situation. Of feelings and gut instincts. I am just being pickier then anything, because in my mind, that is what I learned from history.

Cycles are all around us. The ebb and flow of what we have going on in our lives and those of the lives around us. Happy. Sad. Indifferent. Its the cycles that are bad for us that are usually the hardest to break. No matter how much we've learned from it.

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Cycle

Oh how we cycle back
To feelings lost and feelings found
Happiness to sadness
Joy to anger
So quickly it passes through the day
One moment a feeling rules your vision
One moment the feeling is but a memory
Oh how we cycle back
To things we don't want to deal with
Of ways of showing anger
With no words at all
Of inflicting pain on others
When we think they deserve it
Oh how we cycle back.