Its been a while

I wish I could say there hasn't been much to say, but there has. I wish I could say I am up for talking about it on here, but I can't. I keep waiting for a non-horrible year to come along. Oh hell, who am I kidding. I would be grateful for a few consecutive non-horrible months. No issues with the boy. No issues with my heart. No issues with my health. No issues with working out. No issues with bills. No issues with money. No issues with my job. No issues with electronics or machines or cars. No issues with family. No issues with friends. I guess that seems like a lot to ask for huh? Maybe I could have like a few weeks then. One blissful month.

Whine, whine, whine. We all want that. None of us are any different in wanting a fair and simple life sometimes. I have whined a bit here and there on Twitter. Apparently, for a while, I was doing a good job of just being emo. I don't want to be that person though. ...and the funny thing is, I censored so much of what I *wanted* to say. I don't think I can pretend to be Miss Suzy Sunshine, and I don't think my friends are asking that of me...but when all you have is no news too tell people or only sad news...you lose that connection.

I want to have some story about my LIFE to tell people. Not the random or daily complaints. I want to tell them about the experiences in my life. I want to have something to talk about. Not having a job...not having that constant is weird for me. I have been reluctant to try and fill that hole as well. I don't know why. I guess because I feel like it should be filled with another JOB, not just things I am doing. But that is just silly and I need to get over it. I need to get back to my writing. I have (sadly) all this free time. I should be done with my book by now. So, I expect a few more chapters to be done this month....at least one this week. I am going to brush up on writing by getting back to my blog(s). I will find something to write I am sure. I have so many out there (sorry, not sharing them all) and I can do things with them. I can finish something daily.

I started my 'business' Those Polish Thingies. I guess my issue with that was that it was only going to be a side project. I was going to slowly build maybe, and I was going to ENJOY it. Right now, its almost like I am secretly angry at it because that is all I have to focus on that gets me out of the house...and that the majority of what I could do with it ended last week with the last of the Farmers Markets. I am planing a big Polish Feast for this month, and truthfully, the pessimistic side of me is thinking it is a waste of time and money. No one will come and no one will pay. I hate that feeling. A lot. I hate having to fight it. I hate how I cycled back to whining. lol

My friends (and lots of strangers) have said they like my product, so that is a good thing...there is just so much to put into it...and so much $ needed to do what everyone thinks I should be doing. Sad thing is....I don't have that extra cash at the moment because of the lack of a job. I will make it work though. Somehow. I just have to not let myself self sabotage. Right? :)

People keep telling me to enjoy this time. That it happened for a reason. That good things are coming. I generally nod my head to this, but not internally. I can't reason the good like everyone wants me too. I'm going to try and do that this month. The way things look, I may be out of a job for a while, so I need to focus on those things I do well and focus on learning those things that I want to learn. I was given a 'fall vacation'. I haven't had a down time in a long long time, so they are right. I should use it.

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Ugh, I haven't written poetry in months. Very unlike me, so I have no idea what is about to come out...if anything. Hopefully its not too horrible. :) lol

Rocks, Water, Time

Rocks are unmoving

There are reasons they say

Things are set in stone

They don't move on their own

They don't sway from their spot

Rocks are unmoving

Water is fluid

It moves where it wants

Does what it wants

Pushes its way through

It doesn't care about rocks in the way

Water is fluid

Rock may be stubborn

But Time works with Water

Erosion happens to the strongest of Rocks

Till even they give way to fluid nature