Is that lately I have been setting a lot of goals

I've always had some goals. Some dreams that I hope to accomplish...but I never really set a time frame. I always figured if I didn't set an actual time frame, I wouldn't have to worry about not hitting my goal because, technically, I have forever.

This year I set some actual timed goals. Yeah, the dates are give or take a week, but they are still there none the less. This freaks me out completely. I am so good at self sabotage. I don't want to fail at these tasks that I set for myself. I am ready to be done with them so I can move on to more. Because I think I have some what been sitting on hold for 10 years.

I notice day to day the time passing, but on the grand scale of things. On looking at my life as a whole....SHIT! I need to get a move on. When did all this time slip past me? Probably when I was in denial. lol

So I need to list out some of my goals because I will forget one or slack on one and then, well, fail. Biggest ones right now are getting back on track with my book and getting at least 15 pages done a month (yeah, I'm making it easy), finishing studying for the GRE test that I plan to take 'hopefully' before my birthday (This gives me just under 2 months, anyone wanna help me study? lol) and refresh my limited knowledge in a new field and broaden it as well, so that I could actually get a job in it. Now, the time frame on this one is somewhat optimistic, but I am a smart person, so I am also giving myself till my birthday for this. Why my birthday? Well....I might be setting a time frame to end my current employment. We'll see. I am NOT saying I am quitting...especially since this is the Internets and that could just get me into loads of trouble. :)

After I have the GRE completed, I have forms and forms and some more forms to fill out for aid & grants & applications for grad school. I really like KU's master's program, but have always wanted to take classes at George Washington U in DC. I could actually take some of their courses online, which may be pricey but...idk. Not being there would definitely be a disadvantage, since connections are VITAL in my field. Sorry, that was a tangent there lol Anyway... Most of the Poli Sci & Pubic Admin. programs only accept applications up to early spring, because everyone starts in the fall and so forth. So, the deadline for me on this is January. Yeah, its a long deadline, but omg I hate filling out forms that are all the same. That, and I need to compose a good letter as to why I let my grades slip my last 3 semesters at KU. Yes, having a kid is a good reason, but still.

Also, keeping in mind all of these that I want to accomplish because I want to be a part of this (new field which interests me way too much and politics, which has always made me oddly happy), I also want to continue my work towards my own restaurant type business. Should I get the info I need on that, it would COMPLETELY take me away from everything else, because lack of attention would cause a quick death to it. I know there are programs out there for me, and I need to seriously consider pulling together a plan so I can ask other people to help back it. So, I need to get more research done on this and scout out locations in the area. Get some statistics on neighborhoods, local zoning laws and all that other fun stuff. Woot. I could say my goal is to get that started, but I need to set up my check list first. SO, I will say I have till the end of September to get that checklist complied and along with it what I'll need to do to get things done on it (numbers/websites and the like).

So, maybe my chest constricts a bit when I write this down and put deadlines down. I am a procrastinator by nature, so I worry on that too. But mainly, its there. I have to do it now. It also give me a feeling like there is a little light inside, and its overly happy that I am taking the chance and that I haven't settled. :)

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Why didn't I fight for you?
Why don't I fight for anyone?
You would think with my competitive streak
That I would pull out all stops
Or maybe its that streak that
Keeps me from it.
For in losing someone without trying
I lose nothing but the chance and person
But if I were to really try
And with all the efforts
The results just the same
Wouldn't I then also lose both my pride
And hope?