Suppose I could tell people...

So, long and short of it, I am Catholic. There is a lot that goes into that statement, and maybe someday I will blog about it here, but for now, that is just a basis statement. Today is Ash Wednesday. For many that signifies the beginning of Lent. Ashes on the forehead. Fasting. Giving things up. Its a show for some.

I'm somewhere in the middle here. The tradition of Ash Wednesday and the Lenten season has gone through cycles in my life. (Btw, cycles is the theme of the blog I keep putting off! Crazy that.) I have been the child that was told what to do and given up the allotted candy and pop (that was a failed one lol). I did the whole "I will be nicer to my sister. I will clean my room. I will do the dishes." I evolved and devolved in all of this. I grew up and learned deeper meanings. I grew up and ignored it all because a priest made me angry. I've had a lot of changes to how I approach this liturgical season.

About 9 years ago that changed. I was working at a church. Each year I got to hear the 'crazies', I heard the 'ChraEasters', I heard the old and the young. All the questions. All the bs. I heard the priest talk. I heard the 'insider' information if you will. I came to see the season not as something where I go around and tell everyone what I am giving up. Mainly, because that's not what it is all about.

Its about changing yourself. Transforming over 40 days into something better. To sound...corny?...its to transform yourself into something better for God. To use the gifts that you were given. To take advantage of the good in your life. To focus on making yourself a better person mentally and physically. Almost like a thank you for what you have been given. To see for 40 days what you have and to be grateful, and show that gratitude by taking care of it.

Its not a time to tell everyone what you are giving up though. There is a bible passage (seriously, I don't quote, I can just tell you its there and hope to paraphrase close enough) that says something along the lines of "if you are fasting, do not moan and complain. Bathe, comb your hair, smile. Those that crumple their clothes and complain and get attention, have already gotten what they want (that being attention). If you are donating money, do so privately. Don't parade all that you have done or will do. Those that do have already gotten their reward. (again, attention) If you are going to pray, do so privately with God. Those that shout it out their prayers are already getting what they want. (attention)" It goes on, but that has always stayed with me. (This one I've known about forever.) I don't go into this season wanted to tell people what I am doing or why or how. I just want to do it silently. I want to do it for me and God.

Of course, I won't lie, many times I also won't share or even hint, because I am not sure what I will do until Ash Wednesday anyway. lol

This year however, I think I will share. I won't bring it up...and I would rather you not if you are around me. (If I fail at something, its my failure between me and God...that's it.) I think that too many people focus on the 'what are you giving up' aspect though. It doesn't have to be.

This year, I am going to work hard at following the fasting rules. Its really not THAT hard. Two smallish meals and one normal meal, no snacking. That's it. Why? Because it takes 4 months to lose 20lbs, but 2 weeks to gain it. I was given a working body. A body that was meant to go out and do things. A healthy body. I don't need to over feed it. I need to make it healthy and use it properly. So I am also 'dedicating' workouts. Meaning, I will be working out more.

I'll have time to work out more, because I am going to be doing less 'time wasters'. One of those being TV. I went a whole year watching maybe an hour a week and now I am up to like 20 a week. This won't do. I am missing out on time I could spend using the talents I have. Which means I need to write more. Read more. Learn more. There is a big world that I have been given the opportunity to live in, I want to share with it and I want to absorb what I can from it.

I need to spend time with people that matter to me. Go on walks with the boy. Share with him more. Spend time with my family. Take advantage of the fact that they are so close. Spend time with friends. God sent each of them to me for a reason. Spend time with myself...but not with the TV...this goes back to writing or reading more. I run around and around and don't even see what I am doing.

Go to church. Honestly, one of the only reasons I am not going now is the time. I hate waking up early and I hate finding parking at the other church. So I don't go. That is not so much a good reason. lol I am going to be realistic, but I really am going to attempt at going weekly again.

Donate my time. I signed up for an MS Walk here in a month. If you want to help me with my goal click here.Its not a lot, but its one thing. I'm going to look into donating time at EKan or Habitat this year too. Not just for the season.

I have stuff...I don't need that much stuff, but other people could use it. I'm going to look into moving some of this 'stuff' to people that could use it. Goodness knows I have enough clothes of various sizes in my garage that could clothe a family of 4. lol

I don't make tons of money, but I make enough that instead of eating out four times a week maybe I could save that money and donate it to an organization that I trust that can do some good.

Stop eating out so much! lol (See how I make it all tie together?) I want to spend time with friends, and inevitably, that means eating out, but I need to cut back the rest of the time spent with the restaurant industry. I say now, that I plan on have sushi EVERY Friday...hopefully with friends. :) Beyond that, we'll see. I won't 'budget' I see where I am. I can make P&J. I LIKE P&J. lol

Remember how to pray. I used to pray a lot. Not daily. Not 'devoutly'. Yet it was regular. My prayers were more like conversations. One sided as it may be, but they were open. Its weird thinking about how much better I felt when I did that.

So there...that is what I am doing for Lent...and hopefully the 40 days will create a habit that stays with me after. Because being a better member of society, being a better friend, a better mom, a better sibling/daughter, a healthier person...these aren't bad things to be.

I won't ever ask you what you are giving up. Or even more to my point, simply what you plan to do. Its up to you. Its a personal thing. If you need help share, but otherwise I see no need to proclaim it. We are human. We are fallible. That is why we are given 40 days every year to try and start again and be that new person on Easter. :)

Sorry so long, but that is what Caroline has been thinking.

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