Sometimes shit happens and you just don't want to talk about it

Other than my awesome abilities of denial, I also have the ability to internalize or keep quiet about things that are really bothering me. Generally when said thing is horribly... embarrassing? horrendous? makes me feel like a total familiar? I tend to clam up and hope for it to pass. Flip side is on this however is that those who know me, know something is up. But why talk about it?

So, needless to say, something unexpected and totally beyond shitty in my book happened yesterday. I swear sometimes I feel like I am five because I don't know how to deal with something. This is where I am at. Uncharted waters and no land in site and no one to call on the radio for help. This little 'event' has caused me to skip two weekly events and sort of put a stopper on my creativity.

I feel lucky that I had some friends that noticed and asked how I was. I feel bad because I didn't respond to anyone. Still not in the mood for it. Not quite at the point where I can ignore it all or spin it so I can live with how it comes across to others. I did end up using that 'other' blog I had, and it did seem to help me wind it down for some sleep.

I'm sure if I just talked it out with someone that maybe I could be convinced that this isn't all that bad. I just don't know if I can talk it out without feeling like I was being judged the whole time. Stupid psyche.

Anyway, like everything else, I am sure this will pass. I mean, I know it will. I just hate having to deal with it at all. grrrr
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Distance is just the beginning

They say distance makes
The heart grow fonder
But sometimes in the wakes
Of waves of passing time
The heart grows silent
And loses its will
Or becomes self reliant
Losing a day or an hour
Can make changes unforeseen
Silence growing in power
Making distance the norm