About new methods...

When I worked at all those pizza places we of course worked with hot things. Occationally your finger would hit a hot pan, hot pizza, or the oven itself. When I first started working at G, one of the guys wouldn't use the special tool to take pans out of the oven, he used his fingers. (the pizza was already off it.) I was shocked when I saw him do this. Honestly I told him he must not have feelings in his fingers. All it was though, was that every day he came to work, it just happened that he touched the hot. It hurt. Everytime. But slowly, over time, the pain went away. He built up a resistance to that sort of feeling/pain. I thought he was full of shit. lol

After working there for a few weeks though, I knew what he meant. Sometimes you had to grab that hot thing with your hands. I knew it was going to hurt, but I also knew it would go away. That the momentary pain was necessary...and with time it wouldn't hurt anymore. After a month or so, I too could pick up the hot pans from the oven. I didn't flinch every time hot sauce splashed onto my hand. I could push the pizza around in the oven without thinking my hand would burn off.

Ask me to do that now and I will laugh at you. Didn't need to touch something hot everyday, so it just faded. I had to constantly let myself be in that situation for it to not hurt. Letting it go I am vulnerable again...

I'm not a runner...even though I have started running. I hate running. I hate how it made my asthma start up so I'd end up gasping for air like a fish out of water. I know runners though. I also know people who run, who also hate running. Both types know the same thing, if you stop running, running is harder. If you keep at it, even the asthma will back off a bit. I laughed at this, I played sports in HS and it never got better.

I tried it though. I built it up. Day by day I would go until my lungs felt like bursting out. Till my throat was raw from the gasping. Each day I did it though, the farther I got. The more I was able to do. The longer it took for the asthma to take over. When I would take a break though..when I would not run for a few days because, hey, I was doing so well, I can take a break...the next run back would be like I was running for the first time. I had to build up the pain and I had to keep at it for it to not hurt so much.

Sadly, the following theory I have, rests solely on the the physical aspect of my body and not the mental. One can build up a resistance to pain. Its been proven all around me. Its been something I've known since I was a child. I think however, when anyone is faced with something that will bring pain, our instinct is to want to simply avoid it. Then no pain. Right? We don't believe that if we face the thing bringing us pain, that it will actually be lessened. (Why do we fight that? Its true.) So why can't it be true mentally?

Maybe we aren't letting things actually hurt us. We avoid it well, we let it slide off, we don't go looking for the things that we know will bring us pain.... Maybe sometimes we should.

I read something tonight ( I swear reading will be the death of me!) that was like a stab in the heart. My first reaction was to pretend I didn't see it. To stop reading. To move away from the pain. But, if I can touch a flipping hot metal pan and eventually not get burned, wouldn't it hold to reason that if I forced myself to see something that stabbed at my heart, everyday, that eventually my heart would build up a resistance to it too?

This plan could either bring ultimate joy to my life...or crush me. lol I am going for the joy though. I have to believe that. We all deserve to be happy.

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Short and sweet

I turn to you to express
All the things I want to say
But the reality of all
That is around me
Stops me and gets in the way