That all is well

Well...probably not really lol, I know something is sitting out there and its gonna hit the fan real soon...but otherwise, yeah. Sorry for the verbal explosion yesterday. Its what I do. Its how I move on. I get it out. Yeah, sometimes I would really rather just let it all out with someone else, but most of the time its easier for me to write it. To see it. To go back and read the craziness that I have written. Learn from it.

I don't generally mention this by actual name, but screw it. Work sucked big time yesterday for me. Yeah, a lot of it had to do with the things that keep getting told to me. Its all different too. This from the boss, this from the one that stabbed me in the back, this from a co-worker, this from a friend. Its like a big microscope too. Things got rubbed a bit raw yesterday and I tried to explain that a bit to someone. That things were getting too much there and they were driving me crazy. To which I was given a number. I said my job is making me paranoid, not that I was going to commit suicide. Seriously. ugh. So yeah, that was the pusher to the blog. Aren't you all glad you aren't night people anymore, I would feel too guilty calling you to expound on the insanity that is my life sometimes. ugh.

Other than THAT...and the thing hanging over my head...life is gonna be fine. I just feels really sucky sometimes. I think the lows are just so low they sort of kick the legs out from under you and you are on your ass looking up, you forget that you were just standing fine and you can get back up in a second. So, maybe I know that, but...at the times when you are on your ass, it takes some cathartic writing to get you back up.

It was a really good weekend. Watched the KU game with some friends. Drove an hour West and went to a country party with lots of yummy food and great friends that I miss hanging out with. Spent Sunday living in the past with some other friends. :) Then played a double header in which I 1)never struck out 2) hit a double 3)made it to third 2 times (both times we already had 2 outs so...bah lol). See, these are all good things.

I could let nagging things get to me about this or that, but I am trying not to. I really don't see the need anymore. I think also just saying I want to be me...well, that helped too. Sounds funny to say that just saying it helped, but it did.

Caroline is thinking that maybe, just maybe she can make her birthday be good. She is NOT going to say it is, because seriously, she wasn't joking about not saying that anymore.

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When it was new

I looked back and noticed
What I hadn't seen before
The signs and the statements
That were like a sign on a door
Looking back now I can see the change
I can take a different view
On what it all really meant
So much different then when it was new