I'm being forced to do a bunch of stuff I don't want to and/or comfortable with

Its like people keep putting up these walls around me. No, scratch that, digging massive cliffs around me. Telling me in some innocent way, "take my bridge." I don't WANT to take that freaking bridge. I don't WANT to go in that direction, but you are giving me no choice! You are eroding everything behind me. I have no other direction. This is where I have to learn to fly I guess. There are some situations I don't want to spell out. I see no good coming from it, but damn, one would hope a bit of perspective was visible and that I don't want to take those bridges you offer and you are telling me to take it or jump. Seriously, where the hell did all of this come from?!

Really, I keep turning around expecting to put one thing behind me and just move on. Be happy. Focus on those things I've been talking about. Smile. Relax. Expect the best from people. Instead I keep finding one more unexpected mess to deal with. It is really vexing me. A lot. I think I am just annoyed that the universe for some reason seems to have put a tiny tiny eye on me and see what I can deal with. I thought I had good karma, so I am not blaming that. Idk really. Its just crazy. Damn it, 2009 will NOT end as shitty as 2008 did. I won't let it. So there world. Take that. I am going to start writing happy fucking shit tomorrow whether you like it or no. Flatten my tire. Make my boss do more stupid shit. Have FIVE more bills pop out of no where. Have one more dream dashed. Force me to do one more thing that hurts my heart. I DON'T CARE. I will not let you get me down. Its my birthday month. I will ROCK this month. I will take your shit and build happy little smiley faces with it.

Or something like that.

Caroline is thinking she may have just lost it...but that she really likes the outlook. If only she can keep that state of mind when all those things she said the world can do actually happen. Ugh.