Focus Focus Focus

I've had a hard time being able to focus on the things I really want to focus on lately. ...Like my book. It just sits there in the corner of my mind nagging at me...but I can't make myself write. The words and emotions and visions needed to write were gone. I don't know where they went, but they took a vacation. Perhaps they decided they wanted the summer off. Who knows, but after being stressed to the hilt the past few weeks, having an appointment last week, and being sick this week, I think they've decided to come back.

I'm not saying they are all great ideas, but I was able to actually write out a page for my book. It flowed too. It wasn't write a few words, think it over, write a few more...it actually all just worked. Best thing is I could have written more, but the poem that I was feeling had be written down. lol

I think being sick has kept me away from some of my strongest stressers. That being work. We all need to work. But it is where I spend so much of my time during the day, and things that happen there so often spill all over the rest of my life.

I've also been able to talk to some friends this week, and I didn't realize how much I wasn't talking..or how much I was bottling up. Everyone has their different levels of comfort with different people, I had forgotten how easy it is for me to share some of the most (in my mind) embarrassing aspects of my messed up life with a friend because she doesn't blink an eye or make me feel judged at all. She just listens and then says, "you know, if you had more self confidence, you would be dangerous." Or another friend, who I had been unsure about opening up too because I know some of what I want to say/feel sounds absolutely crazy/childish, but was able to talk with, and not feel that way. Or another who shows their trust in me by confiding in me and then listening to me babble about nothing...or puts up with the little bit of advice I give them.

Caroline's been thinking that she's not sure how long this will last. She means she knows she'll have to go back to work soon (the boy is sick today, so its like an extra day off!) but, she hopes she don't lose this calm she found. Well, as much calm as a person on the edge of freaking out about this or that can have. lol

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Someone told me a while ago I needed to start titling my poems again. I used to a few years ago, but just stopped. So I will attempt at doing so again. Maybe my readers can come up with better names...

This Peace

As the wind slowly pushes against you
And the various insects make their daytime presence known
With a straight face you look forward
Watching the talk flowers of gold
Dance with the taller weeds of purple and green
You observe as the trees gently wave back
And the water moves on swiftly behind
You wonder if it isn't all possible
To keep this picture, this moment, this peace
Always present in your mind