Breaking the cycle?

No. I am not. Because as I was sitting here thinking of how I need to get back on schedule and track, I remembered that I have written about this already. Many times in fact. Seems like every few months its a 'gee I need to get back on track' sort of week. Ugh. Why do we do this to ourselves?

....Well I know why I do. I hate change change, but I need change in my schedule. I like to defy myself I guess. That sounds just as stupid to me as it does to you. Eh.

Lets see if I can break this cycle of the same stupid stuff. I think its a lovely idea. :)

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Yesterday was my birthday. I hesitated to write about it because, well, I like birthdays. Yeah, yeah, I lie about my age. But hell, I've been doing that since I was a teenager, no need to stop that now. That has nothing to do with the day though.

Its an opportunity to be happy that you are here. You made it another year. Its a time to reflect and plan. Even if you didn't get all you wanted done in the past year, there is hope for the next. Its better then New Years.

This bubbly expectation of mine seems to get..well, crushed a bit. Now, yes, I have had some good birthdays. I've had friends celebrate with me. I've had stuff happen after my birthday...but it always seems flat. I expect too much and I know that. So this year I didn't expect anything. (insert world's smallest violin here) Well, I expected friends to back out of dinner and work to be crappy and blah blah.

This year however...was pretty freaking awesome. Woke up to the boy making me breakfast. (Whether I wanted it or not! lol) Weather was great. Made it to work on time. I worked with only nice people all day. My reps brought me cookies for my birthday. My co-worker brought me fried tofu. Some VERY excellent friends sent me flowers at work. (Side note: I NEVER get flowers at work. Are flowers the end all? No. Do I NEED flowers? No. But do I appreciate and get a happy little feeling when someone gives me pretty nature stuff that smells good? HELL YES! :) ) I ended up getting out of work later then I was supposed too and didn't get some of the stuff I wanted to do that afternoon done like I wanted or get to talk to some people like I wanted, but eh, it all worked out for the best. Headed to the Sandbar for a pre-dinner drink with friends. (I was expecting to just get a drink by myself and then head out to dinner, I was surprised and happy that friends joined me there, I saw another friend there, and my friends offered to drive me to the restaurant.) Dinner was awesome. I expected to pay for myself (LONG STORY) but again was surprised by a friend that paid for my meal. After dinner went back and hung out at a bar or two. Just had fun and relaxed. I had no bad feelings about the day. I didn't feel like there was more I should have done or expected. It was just really good. Now maybe some of that sounds cheesy to you or stupid or simple but...yeah, I was happy.



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Caroline is thinking that her plan of 'pain till it doesn't hurt' isn't working. Of course, she also realizes that she has only done this for like 3/4 days. lol So far though, its been a bit more painful then she would like, but she knew it would be so..yeah, no big deal. Its a daily band aid of pain, or something like that. lol She's hoping though that her theory holds true, and that this doesn't hurt after a while. Otherwise, good grief, it'll make her some sort of sadist then. :( lol

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From her

She sits in the chair
Seeming to not understand
All that is going on around her
There are others there
Laughing and joking
But all she gives off
Is a vacant annoyed stare
It can't be understood
How it can so commonly be
The air of personality
From her