That yes, I am ruining it.

I am ruining something, and I am doing it on purpose. Seems completely odd and the like to me...but idk, maybe needs to be done. Maybe I have just been waiting for me to ruin it, because I couldn't except anyone else doing it. Total control issue. I'm sorry that I am, and its actually sort of hard. But truthfully, I think I am the only one that notices. lol So yeah, its mainly for myself I guess. I'm hoping things that haven't made sense will. That pieces that haven't fit properly in my life, finally will. My life has a flow to it. A predictability, and things have been different.

Seems funny to me that I am the one to ruin it after all.

I'm sorry.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As my friend
As a trusted confidant
I am hoping you will understand.
I am trusting that you will.
I never let myself heal.
There was never any time to.
I have to believe that is the reason.
When a runner pulls a muscle
Or an athlete sprains an ankle
They take time.
They heal.
Then they get back in there.
Getting back in there is always possible,
But continuing on hurt
Can only make things worse in the end
And cause lasting damage.
I never let myself heal.
And everyone knew it
Except me.
I need to heal my soul
Its been bleeding for too long.
For most things to work
It has to get so much worse
Before it can get better.
It takes practice and time.
I need to let it get worse.
I've been lying to myself
And I guess to you as well.
I need time to heal
And its time away from you.
I trust you will understand,
I don't think distance has ever
Been a problem for you.
This time should be no different
You won't even notice me gone.
And just as you will be fine,
I have to trust that I will be too.