Another reason why people opt to not have children OR I amaze myself at my amount of patience

I love my child. I really do. The ability of said child to shock the hell out of me though is likely to do me in one day though.

When they are but babies, they do things that embarrass you. Each time feels like the end, but you adapt when they end up doing something else just as horrifing. People (like me..even though I am much better now) who embarrass easy have a very hard time with this.

Today, I was made speechless by the actions of the child. Horrified...mortified...yeah, those are some good adjectives. Angry beyond belief is also a good turn of phrase.

(This is where the patience comes in.) Being who I am, the child knows when I am angry and generally, things are taken care of on the spot. But, when out in public, with friends or strangers around, I tend to..not so much have a weaker side, but a more quiet and internal thinking "I'll kill him when other people are not around." I don't yell or belittle in public. I try to take care of things in a...calm matter. I know this must make me look..weak?...not in control..to those watching. What they don't see is the control I have on my own actions. lol Besides, with so many strangers butting into people's lives and discipline, I could end up with cops being called. So I stay 'calm'. bah

Crappy/best thing is, he generally does not require me to have to do much in public. He knows how to behave and the only times we have trouble is homework and cleaning at home. That can be easily handled. Random displays of disrespect and stupidity though...oh that is a whole new world I do no wish to explore and I have been forced to acknowledge that world twice this year. Granted, he sort of explained a bit of one situation, so I won't kill him yet. He is after all my child and I love him. But I think after today, he may have an understanding that the calm mom might not always be there so he best not be stupid again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's funny to this Libra mind
How things will end up balancing
And turn out right in time.
Sirenity seems to always find it's place
In my mind and on my face.
The quietness will once again reside inside
As the logic equals itself to the emotion.
It only takes a few words to let it begin.
Only a few actions to let the balance win.