Opening up

I think we all have a secret or two that we don't want to share with new friends...or anyone. Be it something from your childhood or a past relationship. Its a secret because, even if it made us who we are, its embarrassing. Its nice to think that those bad things never happened to us. That our childhoods were always full of cool times and friends. That all relationships were good choices on our part.

I also think, that the part of us that holds these memories wants to share them. We want to tell someone the bad that was in our lives. The embarrassing. So we can maybe let it go and so we know there is someone out there we can trust.

In my mind, my ex was embarrassing. My only thought process in why I would date him was that I was somehow perpetually drunk for over 3 years. That has to be why I ignored all the stupidity and, well...stuff. I didn't talk about him to anyone. The people that knew him, knew him, but I didn't mention him to anyone else. I didn't talk about it.

Then a few years ago (insert crazy story here that I won't really get into) I became friends with his ex-fiancée (after we were no longer dating). Seeing as how we both had dated him, we could talk about him...and the things that we were thinking....and the embarrassment or regret. It wasn't that bad though. It was freeing to talk about it and not cringe inside. I still don't talk about him that much...no need to. Don't want to. I have found though, its not so embarrassing anymore.

As with so many things, I know that if I get it out. If I share it, it loses so much power over me. I think that holds true for many people. I just need that first person to let me open up about some things, so maybe I can finally let them go.