Trust

So many things pop into my mind when I thought of this topic. There is a good chance that this post is going to take a few twists and turns. I can't promise that it'll be a great post, but its about trust, so at least it will tell a story or two.

As I was working the other day, I made a form up for us to post. I worked it all up and then with clenched nerves, brought it in to be seen by the boss. See, for the past 7 years I did a majority of the flyers or signs or brochures at my other job. I enjoyed it, but I also had a boss that...well, didn't like anything. I was used to getting things back with random pen marks or the whole idea changed all together. Not a big deal, but that was how it worked. She made you feel stupid because she couldn't do it.

When I brought it in to my new boss the reactions was "wow! You went all out, that looks great." This wasn't a special sign, just a simple one. It'd been a long time since someone simply said, it looks good.

Lately I feel like I can sort of relate my reactions to my new job as you could someone who was abused for years. Even after the real threat is gone, the natural reaction is to be beat or yelled at. That's me. I keep waiting for it. Waiting for the crazy to come. My last boss told me that she didn't trust anyone, and she never would. No one could be trusted, no matter what w said or did. She never let you forget that she didn't trust you either. Yet, I can see that my new job, they trust you. They trusted me the first day. I had a key to the building, a building housing countless records and items and history, within 3 days. I never had a key to the other office.

Trust is a funny thing, when you don't have it for so long, it seems so weird when you do. It makes you gun shy. I can see now that the feeling of mistrust and fear, leaked into my whole life. When someone who you have given no reason to mistrust you, constantly tells you how they won't, it internally picks at you and, at least for me I see, makes you feel like less then a person.

I, myself, am a mixture of too trustworthy and not trusting enough. I used to just be the former. I was naive that way. "Thankfully" my ex, after another round of 'what the hell is going on' and something came up where I was mistrustful and kind of bitchy, cured me of that. At least he likes to take credit for it. He was proud that he was able to make me not so trusting and kind. (This should of been a big sign to avoid him at all costs.)

On the whole though, I do tend to trust before not. I'm not saying I would give you the keys to my house, but I would trust that you are a good human being and not a complete moron. I let people go up or down from there.

It could be stupid to trust people, but I can't see being a person who tells people 'I won't trust you ever' for no reason. Trust can be earned as well damn it.

I think trust is a good thing, and I try to keep that trust unless you have actually done something to lose it. I like to think on a whole I pick good people to hang out with. Flaws and all.

You may be deceived if you trust too much,

but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough.

~Frank Crane