Thank you Trailhawks

All week long I thought about running on Saturday and Sunday. I wanted to run a few of the weekdays, but this or that stopped me....along with what I posted about a few days ago. Today was the second annual Sanders Saunter out at Clinton Lake. Its a 10k trail race. I had volunteered to help with it a month or so ago, knowing I wouldn't be prepared, or fast enough, or psyched internally enough for it. (NEXT YEAR!!!!) So today I woke up at some ungodly time to get dressed and head out there.

Getting dressed I put on layers, with the bottom layer being tights and a running long sleeved shirt. My thought was I would run after the race. In the back of my mind though, I kind of scoffed at the idea. I figured what I would *really* do is after the race, talk to people then decide it was late enough and then head home for a nap with the belief I would go back out later for a run. Seriously, this is how my mind works it out. This is the bane of my self sabotage.

When I got to the meeting place I didn't say anything about running later. I just waited around with others until it was time for me to take my place. As I sat there, I saw all the people coming in to sign up. I was somewhat impressed by how many. I've worked another trail race though, and I'd seen them all come before. Like that time I was a bit envious that they were running. ....Envious can't be the right word, but it'll do.

I took off for my spot about 20 min before the start. I wasn't that far into the trail, and as someone who's been walking/hiking that trail for years, I was comfortable with it. I had some alone time then, so I tried 'waking up' and did some yoga and stretches. Nothing too exciting. Then the race started, and I saw the group come by. Forty-seven souls passed me by. Seeing them all starting off was inspiring.

Being where I was, I got to see the runners at the start, after the first hard hill, almost done, and then last stretch. I saw all sorts of runners. All pushing through. In my mind, everyone else is a good runner (this is still the case), and since I generally end up running alone, I don't see the others walking, or the exhaustion on others. I see in my head non-stop running for everyone. Today I was able to see that taking it slow in parts was normal and still makes you an awesome runner. (That sounds weird to try and write, who knows if its coming across the way I mean it too.)

There was one woman running and this was her first trail race. I was so impressed by that. I guess everyone has to have a first race, but still. She wasn't in the front of the pack, but she kept going. Although I can tell by how long the race was, that she totally ran faster then me, kind of made me wonder why I didn't try.

After the race, I was still awake. (lol It could be because my system finally woke up while I was out directing traffic on the trail and so I had a few energy gummies.) The awards were given and I talked to a few people, but the fact that everyone ran so well was making me itch to go out.

Like I said before, I haven't run in weeks, so I figured I would do one mile. Maybe two. Take the blue out and white back. I know it well, its comfortable. But when I got to the first crossover trail, where I could continue out on blue or turn and go up the mound, I turned. I had thought about running the mound all morning (I'd also played host to the idea of trying to run the whole course, but I know better then to push my body like that without any preparation).

My pace was slow and steady. I kind of have it in my mind to keep one speed, no matter what I am running on. Its slow, but its consistent. (OK, on the rocky inclines I love to sprint up those, but that is not the point. lol) I made it to the mound and started up. I hate hills. I kept my pace though. Slow. I got to the top and heard voices behind me. My first thought was "geeze I was slow doing that. Pathetic, I should finish this mile and head in." (Yes, I am vicious with myself when running.) The voices were from two Trailhawks that were clearing the course. I was pacing a bit to get my breath back (I hadn't used the inhaler yet) and thinking how embarrassing. I started to head back towards the path when one of them said, "Good job going up the hill, you paced it well." Or something like that. All I know was, that those words crushed the ones in my head. No, I didn't suddenly think I was a rock star, but I thought, maybe I am not doing so bad for not running in a month, and I should shut the hell up.

I went back down the mound and on the way back I was thinking about what I would do. I mean, I hadn't run in weeks and I wasn't sure what my knee would be feeling like later, and the boy was at home, and it was getting warm, and I hadn't eaten...and then the crossover came up. I was tired from coming back up the hill.

I turned down the path away from the finish.

I thought about just going out a bit on the trail and then taking the turn that leads back to white. So only like another mile. I passed the turn and kept going. I got to the mile marker where I could turn back on white for the last mile or go out farther. I went out farther. I would of kept going farther but I wasn't sure where to go! lol So I ended up turning around after about a quarter of a mile or so on that path.

Overall, it was only like 3 and a half miles I ran today. But the thing is, its 2 and a half miles more then I had originally planned. And if felt great. I wasn't too tired and I was able to keep my breath and pace for most of it. I know, if it hadn't been for the Trailhawks and all the other runners on that course this morning, I would't have done that. It wasn't nearly as long or as fast as them, but it was something. For that I am grateful, even though you don't know it.

You are all awesome and I am lucky to know you. All the Trailhawks I've met have been inspiring and helpful and nice and encouraging. I should really stop letting my fears of not being as good go, because no one but me cares about it. They are that awesome. :) By your act of running, you helped me to run.

Thank you.