Is that maybe its my turn to talk about schedules?

Everyone has schedules that they keep. Or at least a routine. They either like it completely rigid or they want nothing in stone. Everyone has their reasoning for this too ~ the love of structure, or the need to be free to do whatever. I go between awe and surprise when I hear what some people do. That's because, like so many things, I am somewhere in between.

I like having things planned. I like having things to do and knowing when/where I will be doing them. ....but only half the time. I have two personality traits that rail against this. One is being stubborn, the other is my lack of consistency.

I don't like being told what to do...even by myself. Having a schedule of events that must occur is like telling me what to do. So I can become stubborn and just not follow my schedule 'just because I can'. For this reason, I try to not schedule everything. Big events and the like, yes, but weekly or daily, I have to leave them alone or I will not accomplish them on principle. :) (OK, not always, but this does happen a lot. lol)

Consistency. Oh how I wish I could get a good handle on that one. For someone (that someone being me) who doesn't like a lot of change in their life, I seem to often fail at consistency. I can keep things going for a few weeks, but then I let something slip, and poof, its all gone. This makes having a consistent schedule damn near impossible. I can keep one, like I said, for a few weeks, but then it breaks down. Thinking on it right now, I suppose a way to get around that would be to just make a new schedule for myself every few weeks...maybe...

I'm not saying I like just flying by the seat of my pants every day and every week. I do like to know where I'll be and when. Its all the little things in between I guess. I don't like always getting up at the same time. I don't like always going to bed at this time (I never followed that rule when my mom sent me to bed, why would I do so now?!). I don't like only doing this on this day and this on that day.

I love my freedom to just change everything. I do sign up for things or have weekly things I like to do, like bowling and trivia. I know however, that if its been a bad week or when I get overwhelmed I don't have to. I have no qualms about stepping back and skipping. (I would never do that when people are counting on me though, that's just bad form.) I go into all those commitments knowing that I am in control and I don't have to do it. I go into things with a working calculation of what would happen if I changed my mind. Heck, sometimes I may skip something just because I can!

For this reason, honestly, things people want to do, want me to do, I am ok with. If I had that horrid day at work, you can bet I won't feel bad about not doing something else. I know internally the best thing for me is to do what I feel is best. If that is going to bed, waking up, cleaning, class, bowling, any other sport...anything really...I don't want my schedule to stress me out, my life does that enough. :)

*Disclaimer: the only thing I have no control over schedule wise is my actual job. No wonder it is the thing that gives me the most stress from all angles.

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If You Try

You can fool anyone if you try
No one has to know what's going on.
Stories to cover feelings.
Laughter to mask any fear.
The world can see what you present,
The smiling happy person
They all want you to be,
With no cares attacking your mind.
Your friends will think what you want.
Plans cover up unease.
Chatter will fuel all bonding,
Fun times erase any broken heart.
But there is always that one person,
Who will see past your fake bravado,
Call you on your bull shit,
And actually help you on your way.