working and perfecting the work

I have a dilemma in my life. As much as I like to sleep and just enjoy nature, I 'like' to work. I like getting focused and getting things done. I like to get those things done well. This is not my dilemma.

My dilemma is my job. For reasons, I just don't have my heart in it anymore. Its not there. I also don't feel like a job well done is noticed or rewarded. This is my dilemma. I have a huge project that is going on. Its somewhat fallen on me to get going. I, at my whole, want it to go smoothly and be a big success. I want to do well. But I also don't feel the drive to work on it outside of my office. There is no reward or ever 'thanks!' for doing that. The last time I worked outside the office, off the clock, I was told that it was great that I did that, but don't expect to get paid for it, no one asked you to. So I don't really feel like working on this outside of work.

Thing is its killing me. I want to do things. I want to promote and create when there aren't patients around and phones ringing. I want to have this thing go awesome. My workaholic/perfectionist side demands that I do something. But for the second time this year, I say 'screw you' to me, and I am playing the stubborn card. Yup, twice in one year. Take that fate! I can change my ways! HA!

On that note...well, I was going to write more, but...idk, things are getting to me and I am no longer feeling it. Boo. Thankfully I worked on some poetry earlier so I can just copy and post. Maybe I will sleep early tonight to offset my sleep last night. Maybe.

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You Tell Me

So tell me how this is supposed to go
How the feelings should show
When do I get the even break
And not get left drifting in the wake
Of all the thoughts and emotions told
And all the feelings and situations left to unfold
Tell me how I'm supposed to act
Because it seems as if I'm always off track
I hate the feeling of just floating free
And not knowing if we can talk, or if I should let you be.